A Fun-Filled Weekend!

Recently I realized that my posts are all about God, God, and more God. I love God, and it makes sense to share what He is doing in my life, but I also want to start making this blog more about what He's doing in my life and where He is leading me, including the fun places and things I do. I want to add photos and make it all cute, but I am clueless as to how to do that. (If you have any idea or know anyone who can be of help, let me know) One of these days I plan to invest time in trying to make it better than boring generic background without flair. :)

So, here is my first post about some FUN I had this weekend. I believe God has been telling me to stop putting so much pressure on myself to do so many things for Him, but instead to have some fun in life and enjoy it. One very early morning God woke me up and said "Raise God Up and Have Fun!" and that has stuck with me. I don't want to look back on this season in my life and say I wished I could have done more fun stuff, or I wish I would have done this or that.

This past weekend was fun-filled. Saturday was a Girls Day Out with my Bible Study Group for Apple Picking in Julian. I had never been apple picking before and it was very fun. I felt like a kid again. The best part about it was picking an apple right off the tree and being able to eat it right there! Saturday was the day before my last day of The Daniel Fast, a very strict diet that is Biblical. The Daniel Fast entailed eating mostly Fruits and Vegetables, so you better bet those apples have never tasted so good...but really, they were delightful and delicious. I think I ate a total of 4 solely while we were picking them off the tree :) My friend, Danielle, took some photos from the day and posted them on her photo blog: http://www.urbanstillsphotography.com/ under blog titled How About Them Apples. Below are some photos I took with my cell phone:



My first bite into the delightful apple



The cute little green apple I picked :)



A better view of the cute, little, and delicious apple




Sunday I decided to sleep in and spend the day with my sister. I had a very long week and was unable to sleep in at all, and rest is important to me. I will listen to the sermon from church online this week. I spent the day with my sister on Sunday. We went Grocery Shopping at Trader Joes and Ralphs and then headed to Bates Nut Farm. We heard a lot about it and went when we were younger but figured it was time to venture up there again. We heard it was crowded, but didn't realize it would take us almost 2 hours to go about 10 miles! By the time we got there, we thought it must be pretty great! :) We were impressed with the size of it and went inside to buy some peanut brittle, toffee nuts, and fill up a bag of candy. Aren't we so healthy? ; ) We definitely have a family full of sweet teeth. Then we went to find our pumpkins. We were a bit overwhelmed by the massive amounts of pumpkins and caught ourselves people watching and adoring the cute children surrounded by pumpkins who were being photographed by their parents. We ended up picking out a couple along with baby pumpkins to decorate the house with, took a few photos, and headed back to the car. It turned out to be a longer day than we had planned, but we had fun and that was the most important part! :) Below are some pictures from our adventurous day.




A cute little colorful tree we saw on our way there while sitting in traffic



Unbelievable! We finally made it!



Sooooooo many pumpkins...and this is just one section

I found one! :)



Marissa and her pumpkin.

A cute baby pumpkin



Super cute pumpkin



Sisterly love



Can you tell we're sisters? :) I think we look more alike as we get older.



We love our salt-water taffy...




...and our Butter Toffee Nuts (Peanut Brittle is for our mom)

 


When you get angry, how do you respond?

Tonight I caught myself getting angry with someone, and I recognized after the fact that I was not pleased with how I responded to the conflict. God is really growing me in this area. (Yes, I do get angry, believe it or not) Let me begin with the scripture God brought to mind.

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:19-22

Is it just me or isn't it so hard to remember this scripture when we are in the midst of something that causes our emotions to rise so quickly? In fact, when these situations come about, I find myself doing the exact opposite. I'm slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. Something is wrong with that. As soon as I get angry or frustrated, it is as if something arises in me and I won't settle until the person I am communicating with hears me out or agrees with me. I find myself ending the argument..."Well, we aren't getting anywhere with this by arguing and disagreeing, constantly restating ourselves, so let's just stop talking about this. It's not doing us any good and it's only causing tension in our relationship." That is true, but at this point, I've become so worked up about it that I can't keep discussing whatever this disagreement is about. I choose to end the conversation in frustration.

This time around, I decided to deal with it immediately and take it to God. I didn't feel good about how it went and I didn't feel like I responded well to what sparked the argument in the first place. In fact, I think it was me who actually let the argument arise. Of course we never want to admit such a thing or see things in ourselves we dislike, but God is certainly good at humbling me lately, especially when I am not portraying the character of Christ. I knew He was the best one to talk about this though and I asked him to give me a scripture to help me see things His way. He gave me the scripture above. I began to calm down and see things in a new perspective, through the lens of Christ. Before I looked up the scripture, I thought about how I have a choice as to how I respond to someone, no matter the topic of discussion. I can control what comes out of my mouth and I want to speak life and not death. (The Bible discusses the power of the tongue a great deal ) I began to think about how I could have responded differently. I began to think about the words I could have said instead of what actually came out of my mouth. I began to think about the root of my frustration and anger. God kindly reminded me that I could have responded in a way that was Christ-like, how He would have responded to a disagreement.. Next time I experience this, I hope I can do things differently. I am so thankful we can learn from our mistakes. After I stepped away from the disagreement, I was able to recognize that the real problem was me. A Christ-like response would have been quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Had I approached it this way, the conversation would have been much shorter and I would have walked away with peace, God's peace. I may have still felt hurt or frustrated internally, but it wouldn't have brought about so much conflict between me and the person I was talking to. I could have responded so simply and let it be.

When I opened up my Bible to the Scripture, I couldn't help but notice the words that followed that verse..."humbly accept the word planted in you" (In my head: quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry), and "Do not merely listen to the word, do what it says." WOW. So, God quickly confirmed through His Word the right way to respond when you feel angry, and the importance of acting on that appropriate response in the midst of it.

-Study notes: When we talk too much and listen to little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas are much more important than theirs. James wisely advises us to reverse this process. Put a mental stopwatch on your conversations and keep track of how much you talk and how much you listen.

-Study Notes: These verses speak of anger that erupts when our egos are bruised- "I am hurt"; "My opinions are not being heard." When injustice and sin occur, we should become angry because others are being hurt. But we should not become angry when we fail to win an argument or when we feel offended or neglected. Selfish anger never helps anybody.

-Study Notes: It is important to listen to what God's word says, but it is much more important to obey it, to do what it says.

Anger takes our focus off God.

"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land." Psalm 37:8, 9

-Study Notes: Anger and worry (fretting) are two very destructive emotions. They reveal a lack of faith that God loves us and is in control. We should not worry; instead, we should trust in God, giving ourselves to him for his use and safekeeping. When you dwell on your problems, you will become anxious and angry. But if you concentrate on God and his goodness, you will find peace.

Reflect on how you respond to people when you get angry and remember that you are responsible for the words that come out of your mouth and you do have control over them. Think before you speak. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I believe this takes time to learn, as this isn't the first time I've not been pleased with how I've responded when I get angry. I am thankful God is helping me see things His way and a better way to respond. How can we reflect God's character if we are not responding to anger in a way that is Christ-like?

Day by Day

I must confess that I am not pleased with my last post on my blog titled Start Somewhere. I honestly wanted to delete it and hoped nobody had read it. I wish I could have made it short and sweet about how when I feel overwhelmed with the many things I want to do in my daily life, God kindly told me to Start Somewhere. It could have been just that plus an encouragement to others to do the same. Instead, I felt the need to expand and list all the things in my daily life that I wanted to accomplish, and then make a new list of how I would accomplish them. It was all so unrealistic and I have not even followed through with the "new list" I made of how I would accomplish everything.

After hoping nobody had read it, a friend of mine texted me. Here is how our conversation went. "F" means friend and will be what she wrote and "K" is for what I wrote.

F: How is your list of things you want to get done going?
K: I was hoping nobody read that blog. It was too much and I haven't done much and I am so hard on my self :( Just taking it Day by Day.
F: Day by Day is good! It was quite a list...lots of things to fit into every day.
K: Ya, not sure what I was thinking ;) I wanted to delete it!
F: It's ok...maybe amend it? I'm sure when most people read it they were wondering when you were planning on sleeping...that was my question at least.

Since writing that blog, I recognized how easy it is for me to be hard on myself. I tend to focus on the things I don't get done in the day. I tend to focus on the things I am not changing and I forget to focus on the positive. This is quite interesting for me because I am generally a positive person, yet when it comes to evaluating myself and my time, I can't even pick out the positives. Maybe you can relate.

I am in a Women's Bible Study that meets weekly and I like to call it my Girls Group. Last Tuesday night they asked me how I was doing on the Daniel Fast (God put it on my heart to do this a while ago and I am finally doing it...may post a blog eventually with more details) and I was quick to tell them how discouraged I was about my success with this fast. After sharing with them, they began to tell me they think I am doing great and it sounds like I am doing great. You see, I notice the things I am falling short in, and they see my choice to do the fast and discipline to stick to it despite the challenges. It definitely opened my eyes and I went home after Girls Group and started reflecting on the things I am doing well with on this fast and the good coming from it. I felt so much better.

Another thing that has come to mind since writing my previous blog is

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

In context, this scripture is surrounded by Jesus telling his disciples not to worry. I often find myself worrying about my time- how I should use it, which one of the many things to do when I have empty time, what should I do first, am I using it wisely? You may find yourself worrying about other things. However, Jesus instructs us not to worry and instead seek Him first.. I like to see it as when we seek Him first, everything else will fall into place. God will take care of the rest if we are seeking Him first. The study notes in my Bible say the following about this scripture: To "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness" means to turn to God first for help, to fill your thoughts with His desires, to take his character to your pattern, and to serve and obey him in everything. What is really important to you? People, objects, goals, and other desires all compete for priority. Any of these can quickly become most important if you don't actively choose to give God first place in every area of your life.

A recent devotional from Jesus Calling, written by a missionary, as if God is speaking the words she is writing, states the following.

IN ORDER TO HEAR MY VOICE, you must release all your worries into My care. Entrust to me everything that concerns you. This clears the way for you to seek My face unhindered. Let Me free you from fear that is hiding deep inside you. Sit quietly in My Presence, allowing My Light to soak into you and drive out any darkness lodged within you. Accept each day just as it comes to you, remembering that I am sovereign over your life. Rejoice in this day that I have made, trusting that I am abundantly present in it. Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me and don't be fearful; thank Me and rest in My sovereignty.

1 Peter 5:6-7: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Psalm 118:24: "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

1 Thessalonians 5:18: "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

My encouragement to you on this journey of Pursuing Him is learn from my mistakes. Don't set yourself up for failure. Set realistic expectations that you can meet, or trust that God will help you accomplish everything you need to in His timing. Trust that daily He will guide you and give you wisdom about what to do. This is something I am learning and the past couple days have been better since I have taken it day by day and chosen to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading with my time.

Because God is so timely, as I finished writing in my journal the Jesus Calling Devotional, I heard a song on Pandora play that was so relevant and timely. It is called Remain by Starfield. The music video is posted below. Day after day God never changes. No matter how I choose to live my day, God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Start Somewhere

Do you ever think about all the things you want to do yet somehow never make time to do them? I find myself doing this quite often. Sometimes I become overwhelmed with how many different things I want to do that I sit and dwell on which one I should do instead of simply starting somewhere. Sometimes it can be so hard to put our thoughts into actions. Let me give you some examples of my list of the many things I'd like to do on a consistent basis.

1. Read books

2. Read my Bible

3. Write a book or two

4. Blog

5. Eat healthier

6. Exercise

7. Listen to God

8. Write prophetic words for people

9. Seek God for guidance about Africa in my future

10. Finish reading my Bible front to back (Should have been done in August and I'm only in Hosea)

11. Journal to my future husband (I have a journal for him that I started in January 2010)

12. Finish my Ghana photo book

13. Make photo book for Mozambique trip in 2010

14. Make photo book from student teaching

15. Rest in God's presence

These things are on my mind constantly, and the Lord has blessed me with time right now, so I can work towards accomplishing these things, it is just a matter of starting somewhere. If I look at the long list, of course it will be overwhelming. There is no way I can do all of the above daily.

The Lord kindly asked me what am I doing to accomplish these tasks. And so, I reflected:

1. I want to read more, but I don't read my book often
*2. I want to read my Bible consistently, and I am doing better by studying Jesus and reading through Matthew
3. I want to write a book or two, but I don't sit down and start writing either of them
4. I want to blog more, but I can't get myself to sit down and do it. Do I continue to post and reflect on coming home from Ghana? What about before Ghana, the posts I wanted to share but never wrote? Do I post one of the many topics God's given me through journaling and reading His word since I've been back from Africa? Do I post on what I am going through now? There are so many choices and I don't know what to choose so I choose nothing.
*5. I want to eat healthier, and I have done what the Lord has told me to do that by changing what I am eating for a specific amount of time
6. I want to exercise, but I'm not getting off my butt and doing anything of that sort.
7. I want to listen to God, but I'm not taking time to be still and listen.
8. I want to write prophetic words for people, but I am not taking time to be still and ask God who He wants me to give a word to and what He wants me to say. It's simple, just takes time.
9. I want to know where God wants to take me in regards to Africa in the future, but I'm not asking Him persistently nor am I being active about my pursuit in the things He has revealed to me.
10. I want to finish reading my Bible front to back, but I'm not doing the daily reading from my plan, so how can I ever expect to finish it?
11. I want to write more journal entries to my future husband in his journal, but I don't do it when I think of it and then I get distracted by other things and never go back to it.
12. I want to finish my photo book I'm making for Ghana, but I am not making time to work on it.
13. I want to make a photo book from Mozambique 2010 trip to Africa, but I haven't started it.
14. I want to make a photo book from student teaching, but I haven't started it.
15. I want to rest in God's presence, but I choose not to

So, I am actually putting into action about 1/7th of what is on my list. When I began to reflect on all of the above, the Lord told me, Katie, just start somewhere. Do something. And so, I have decided to make some changes by starting somewhere. Note that this is a choice I am making, and you too, can choose to start somewhere on the list of things you want to accomplish. Part of starting somewhere is starting small. When you evaluate your list, come up with tasks that you are able to accomplish and don't be hard on yourself if you have one bad day or are unable to meet your committment for the week, but try again for next week and don't let it become a habit that you fall short on your new committments.

1. Everyday, I committ to reading for 30 minutes.
2. I will continue to read my Bible daily and study Jesus through the gospels
3. I will set aside one day/afternoon each week where I will work on solely writing my books.
4. I will committ to post two blogs each week at least.
5. I will continue with the committment God has told me to do in regards to eating healthier for the length of time He has placed on my heart
6. I will exercie 3 days a week for 30 minutes each at minimum. (Do some sort of cardio, even if it is a simple walk)
7. I will spend 10 minutes a day listening to God.
8. I will spend 10 minutes a day asking God for a word for someone
9. I will email the open doors and meet with people I need to about Africa, and be consistent about asking God what He wants for me. I will also listen for His direction and start saving money for a future trip to Africa.
10. I will complete the daily readings on my Daily Bible Reading plan to finish reading the Bible front to back
11. I will write journal entries to my husband the moment that they come to mind
12. I will complete two pages in my Ghana photo book everyday in order to complete it soon
13. I will begin a photo book from Mozambique trip and spend 30 minutes each day working on it
14. I will begin a photo book from Student teaching and spend 30 minutes each day working on it
15. I will listen to one worship song every day where I am resting in God's presence.

All that being said, what things do you think about doing but haven't yet for some reason or another? I know not everyone has as much free time as I do, but we have to make time in order to start somewhere. If we don't start somewhere, we will never accomplish any of the things we desire to do. I encourage you to make a list and get started with how you will make changes so that you can start somewhere on those things and begin to accomplish them.

8.3.11

8.3.11          Revisitng my journal after returning from Ghana...

There's been this ickyness in me that I don't like. I've had it before, but usually it's something I get upset about and keep it internal. This time it is a constant feeling of dissatisfaction. I know God wants more of me, but I spend some time in His Word and quickly move on. Maybe that's why I feel this way.

Even when I am around people I feel different. I receive things they say to me differently, too. God is telling me to keep things between me and Him only and it is hard not to share my true feelings with someone other than God. I have been hurt by conversations with friends that didn't go as I would have anticipated which brought about discouragement. After praying, God was faithful to answer me. I recognize the many blessings surrounding my friends lives and I find myself envious of each of them. I want to be able to share something exciting and here I am in this strange season, trying to sort out my experience in Ghana.  

Shortly after writing out my thoughts more in depth in my journal, I asked God for His perspective and the following is what He shared with me.

Katie,
Don't you know you are set apart and unable to relate to everyone  because I have you on a unique path? Stop getting so stressed and worked up about things internally. Step back, take a deep breath, and relax. Do what you enjoy. Stop looking at your friends lives and being envious. This season may feel lonely and painful, but it's still coming no matter what. You can respond to it however you choose. Remember, though, that I am always here with you and you can hear My voice. Don't forget the things I've already revealed to you- stay close to Me, include Me in everything, and rely on Me...because it is just you and Me. If you would stop looking to others and start looking to me first, you will be satisfied. Enjoy and embrace this unknown season. Otherwise you will look back and regret all the stress. Don't juggle so much and enjoy what you are doing in the moment. Prayer is so important in combating the enemy. Resist him and he will flee from you.

Then I heard these few songs on pandora on my sister's computer.

1) Satisfy- Tenth Avenue North

Satisfy me Lord oh oh
I'm begging you to help me see
Your all I want
Your all I need
Oh satisfy me Lord

In me, oh Lord, can you create
A pure heart cause I'm afraid
I just might run back to the things I hate

Your beautiful, your beautiful
Your more than all this world can give
Your beautiful, your beautiful
Your love is all I need to live

2) I Am Yours- The Afters

I can walk across the world and

Never find the answer

I could search the sky above

And never get any closer

You made it all

And I will have to fall

At the feet of the One

Who fell for me

You gave your life for mine

I have me by your side

I won't look back anymore

Now that I, I am yours

You'll never say goodbye

You're the reason why

I won't look back anymore

Now that I, I am yours

I am Yours             I belong to You

I am Yours             You and you alone

I am Yours              I belong to You

I am Yours             You and you alone

All the rest can disappear

Without any traces

I have nothing left to fear

As long as your face is

All I can see

You are all I need

Every breath, every step

You're here with me

3) Can't Get Away- Rush of Fools

I am an arrow

I am a rocket

I am a river

Nothing can stop it

Cause you are the target

And you are the atmosphere

You are the ocean

That keeps pulling me,

You're pulling me here

And I, can't get away

can't get away, can't get away

I keep running into you

I am so helpless

God, you are so able

And when I get turned around

You change my direction

You are so perfect

I am so broken

Here you come with arms wide open

Chasing after me down every road

You're always waiting there

Even when I close my eyes

I can't help but see

There's no place that I can hide

You're such a part of me

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I point fingers at someone else easily. And often times, when I accuse someone of something it ends up coming right back at me when God humbles me and shows me that I struggle with the exact same problem.

Unhappy. That's a pretty clear way to describe how I feel lately. I'm up and down. Nothing really brings me joy like it used to. I am not thinking before I speak, which is unlike me.

From the book I was reading about David:

Themes in David's life:

1) When times are tough, God is our only security. (2 Samuel 22:2-3)

2) When our days are dark, the Lord is our only light. (2 Samuel 22: 21-31)

3) When our walk is weak, the Lord is our only strength. (2 Samuel 22: 32-40)

4) When our future is foggy, the Lord is our only hope. (2 Samuel 22:50-51)

Also from the book a quote from Charles Allen:

"When a person is suddenly alone, often panic and fear come. I distinctly remember my mother saying to me after my father's death. 'I cannot go on without him.  I depend upon him for everything.' My mother believed that, but she did go on without him...I feel that the most creative years of my mother's life were the years when she was forced to depend upon herself. She had her anxious moments, but somewhere along the way she learned the old expression 'Life by the yard is hard, but life by the inch is a cinch'. "

Further in the book the author states:

"We Christians, I have observed, frequently have trouble believing He is our only hope, security, light, and strength because we are so prone to try everything else. We automatically depend on everything except the Lord. Yet still He waits there for us- patiently waiting to show Himself strong."

"Soft heart and thick skin. That's the ticket, plain and simple. Not sensitive skin, so delicate that the slightest pinprick will damage it, but really thick. Rhinoceros thick. So that you can get punched around and punched around. Let me tell you, if you hope to be used by God, you need that kind of skin...The people who get the job done are those who are able to overlook all sorts of hurtful little comments people are going to make. When you walk through thorns, you have on heavy boots. You don't walk through thorns barefooted...at least not very far."

And of course, God's timing with my Jesus Calling Devotional is right on target:

WATCH YOUR WORDS DILIGENTLY. Words have such a great power to bless or to wound. When you speak carelessly or negatively, you damage others as well as yourself. This ability to verbalize is an awesome privilege, granted only to those I created in My image. You need help in wielding this mighty power responsibly.

Though the world applauds quick-witted retorts, My instructions about communication are quite different: Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Ask My Spirit to help you whenever you speak. I have trained you to pray- "Help me, Holy Spirit" before answering the phone, and you have seen the benefits of the discipline. Simply apply the same discipline to communicating with people around you. If you are silent, pray before speaking to them. If they are talking, pray before responding. These are spirit-second prayers, but they put you in touch with My presence. In this way, your speaking comes under the control of My Spirit. As positive speech patterns replace negative ones, the increase in your Joy will amaze you.

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." Proverbs 12:18

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:1

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29



Revisiting my Journal AFTER Ghana...7/28-8/2/11

Tonight I was revisiting my video from Ghana and thinking back about how I felt when I came home earlier than planned. I realize this post is far overdue, but I can't help but finally reflect and share what was on my heart when I first got home from Ghana since I have come to realize that I have no regrets in going to Ghana, staying longer, and coming home sooner than planned. If you followed my facebook and blog posts when I was in Africa, you learned that it was very challenging for me to be in Ghana without a team of Christians supporting me. I did not realize what I was in for when I signed up to stay longer. However, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I left Accra, Ghana airport on July 25th (evening there, morning here) and arrived in LA around noon on July 26th.

Here are some words directly from my journal when I finally made it back to the States. Looking back and reading my journal reminds me of God's perfect timing and ability to speak to us so strongly because He is faithful. I will italicize the words that come directly from my journal so it is easier for you to read and understand and I don't have to explain myself often.

7.28.11 Two days later...

I've been experiencing some culture shock since I've been home, but I've also been adjusting well with the time change. I think that is because I stayed awake and tried to get back on track with the time change as best I can. (It is 7 hrs later in Ghana) Yesterday I think I went to the bathroom ten times, so my body must just be getting used to American food. I didn't realize that would happen, but it makes sense because the food I ate in Ghana was much different than American food, for the most part. When my dad was driving us home from dinner last night, I was looking out my window noticing the scenery and thought to myself, "Wow, there are actually nice homes and a park and no children waving at the car as they walk closely in the street half-naked at times. There aren't people selling things or walking and working on the side of the road and I'm not sitting in a car that feels and sounds like it's going to fall apart, full of many people. Instead, I'm sitting in a very comfortable and spacious car, without anyone next to me. I'm living a life in luxury compared to what life has been like for me the past five weeks." I'm thinking more about the kids and missing them, but I am also enjoying the comforts of being home. This entry was followed by a couple pages of journaling my prayers to the Lord.

7.29.11
God encouraged me through something I marked and read in Ghana about transition:

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

God dispenses life the way he manages cosmos: through seasons. Earthly seasons don't upset us, but unexpected personal ones do.

Are you on the eve of change? Do you find yourself looking into a new chapter? Is the foliage of your world showing signs of a new season? Heaven's message for you is clear: When everything else changes, God's presence never does. Your journey in the company of the Holy Spirit, who "will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I myself have told you" (John 14:26 NLT)

So make friends with whatever's next. Embrace it. Accept it. Don't resist it. Change is not only part of life, change is a necessary part of God's strategy. To use us to change the world, he alters our assignments. Gideon: From farmer to general. Mary: From peasant girl to mother of Christ. Paul: from local rabbi to world evangelist. God transitioned Joseph from a baby brother to an Egyptian prince. He changed David from a shepherd to a King. Peter wanted to fish the sea of Galilee. God called him to lead the first church. God makes reassignments. But he wants you to know: you'll never face the future without his help.

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the LORD upholds him with His hand." Psalm 37:23-24

Same day: I went to the Wild Animal Park with my sister and the little girl she babysits. I felt "yucky" and was being rude to her. We saw animals and walked around in circles. There were signs posted saying "African Safari this way" or something using the word Africa and I seriously thought "This is definitely NOT Africa" and had horrible other thoughts. It was not like me. I guess going there two days after coming home wasn't the brightest idea. The same day, I had a phone interview with Gerardy Photography and it went really well. I was myself and thankful God opened that door for me.

I didn't go to Ghana simply as a volunteer. I didn't go to Ghana to help. I went to Ghana as a Missionary, with a mission to spread God's love across the nation. My goal was to pour out His love onto everyone that I came into contact with and be a light in a dark place. As a Missionary, I am a disciple/follower of Christ and that comes with a cost. It came with responsibility and accountability.

Today was not a good day. There are so many things on my mind but I'm not exactly sure how to express them, but I'll try my best. I've had a very bad attitude, not been myself. I have no filter and I'm careless about what I say without much expression. I missed my family and time with them while I was in Ghana, but now I'm home and I'm easily irritated with them. I'm ready to be in a relationship. I feel like God is going to do surgery on my heart and me, removing "stuff" that isn't good and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.

7.31.11

I feel as though there is chaos in my mind. I'm so anxious and I've been so busy and/or avoiding sitting at His feet that I haven't simply listened. Even being at Starbucks sitting here with God I don't have peace in my mind because I feel stressed. I am worried about not updating my supporters yet or writing a blog. I am feeling like I can't live my life based on my feelings. I keep talking to people and not to God. I sort of don't want to be around people. I guess it's normal to be feeling a bit strange coming home after being in Africa for 5 weeks. I know 3 weeks alone may not seem like that much to some people, but it is certainly a lot for me. It's weird having wanted to leave Ghana so badly and then coming home and something is just not sitting right. I've shared some things but it seems like I should have some big revelation or something and I don't. Maybe I'll just reread Jesus Calling and sermon stuff because they will encourage me and help me enter into His Presence.

Jesus Calling Devotional: (Very relevant)

TRUST ME IN THE DEPTHS of your being. It is there that I live in constant communion with you. When you feel flustered and frazzled on the outside, do not get upset with yourself. You are only human, and the swirl of events going on all around you will sometimes feel overwhelming. Rather than scolding yourself for your humanness, remind yourself that I am both with you and within you.

I am with you at all times, encouraging and supportive rather than condemning. I know that deep within you, where i live, My Peace is your continual experience. Slow down your pace of living for a time. Quiet your mind in My Presence. Then you will be able to hear Me bestowing the resurrection blessing: Peace be with you.

Next, God spoke to me through a word when I listened to Him.

Katie, Enjoy My Presence. Breathe in and out and enjoy this beautiful day. Stop stressing about hearing from me, about changes you want to make, about others. Simply rest and relax in My Presence. Stress can be the hindrance so let it go right now. Be still and know that I am God. Everything will work together for good when you hand it over to Me. You know Me and you know My character, so take time daily to listen to My voice and follow My leading. I know what I'm doing in you. It can be easier than you think and a much smoother process if you turn to Me first, the instant I nudge you. Let's work together and accomplish this quicker. Learn now and you will be thankful you did and you will walk in the abundant life I've given to you.

* The sermon this Sunday (today) was titled Strengthen Yourself. Again, impeccable timing on God's part. Even after a day of encouragement from the Pastor's message, I still felt discouraged.

I find myself turning in circles trying to find something to do. It's as if I'm avoiding God. I love to journal and read, but I won't sit down and simply do either. I want to text someone but I know it is unnecessary. I want to be on facebook but I know I spent time on it today and it won't satisfy. I want to eat something, but I'm not super hungry. I'm searching for that something to fill the gap in my heart, looking for something to satisfy. But why am I searching so hard when I know what I deep down desire and need the most which is right before me? I find it so interesting how I easily avoid something even though I know it brings true satisfaction. I suppose I am trained to seek after the things that don't satisfy (and I have a habit of doing this) so I need to show myself that I can resist those things. I mean, I want to make changes and I am capable, but it's going to take some discipline. I think I need to reread my blog about idols.

8.2.11

I began this day with journaling a few pages of prayers to God.

Jesus Calling Devotional:

BRING ME THE SACRIFICE of your time: a most precious commodity. In this action- addicted world, few of My children take time to sit quietly in My Presence. But for those who do, blessings will flow like streams of living water. I, the One from whom all blessings flow, am also blessed by our time together. This is a deep mystery; do not try to fathom it. Instead, glorify Me by delighting in Me. Enjoy Me now and forever!

"Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever." -Isak Anesen

Today I felt fairly stressed. I was stressed about what photos and words to share with my girls group (Women's Bible Study). I'm stressed because Brittany asked for a sitter Saturday and I am available but I'm not at the same time. God said say no so I can spend time with my family, but I'm "available" so I feel bad saying no, plus it is so she and Brian can go to a wedding. It was family vs. finances. Girls group was good, but I have a continual feeling of Just me and God and nobody will understand all that I went through in Ghana. I heard on the radio something about women liking to juggle. Juggling means that we are constantly catching and throwing. So, you're always thinking about what's next. We are to stop juggling so that we can focus on one thing at a time.

Processing Everything

If you actually "follow" my blog or read it, you will notice I haven't posted any new blogs in quite some time. There is definitely reasoning behind this. I love to write and I love to share what God is doing in my life as I pursue Him, so it has been a bit strange not having a desire to post any blogs regarding these things.

So, here it is...over the past eight months or so, God has began some crazy work inside of me. It's unexplainable, really. I don't even know where to begin. Someone gave me a word about immense growth over the next year and I am seeing that pan out clearly as each day comes and goes. Anyways, part of that growth entails processing everything. I want to share SO many things with those of you who read this and are part of my life, but I just can't seem to type them up yet. I believe God wants me to process everything before I can be confident and strong enough in what He's revealing to me. This new season in my life has been interesting for me, but God constantly reminds me it's Just me and Him. So, I've been writing in my journal and praying much more often than typing up a blog and really, truly pursuing Him. The title of my blog has new meaning to me as Iam now pursuing Him wholeheartedly and sincerely.

That being said, stay tuned if you are interested in hearing what God has been revealing to me. I've written many journal entries and look forward to sharing them with you soon. In the meantime, know that I am simply processing everything God has placed before me and letting it resonate in my heart before sharing it.