I'm Thankful For: The VanCleave Family

This month helps us remind us to be thankful. I would like to start making tributes in my blog for people I am thankful for and share with you a little about them- how we met, what I think of them, and why I'm thankful for them. Starting with: The VanCleave Family

Disneyland 2009: Me, Kathy, Matt, and Lily (missing their newest addition)

How we met: I met the VanCleave family in 2005 when I was a freshman in college. My friend Brittany invited me to the church they recently started that was college-aged. I wasn't really connected in a church anywhere, so this was a great fit for me. Kathy was pregnant with Lily at the time and Matt was the pastor at the church called Cephas Road. I began attending "Book Club", a small group of co-ed peeps meeting once a week studying different Christian books. Shortly later they had their first daughter, Lily, who I soon began caring for as a nanny.



 I'll never forget the one night at Book club when Matt had something to share with the group. He didn't end up sharing and I think I emailed with him jokingly saying something like It's not like you'd be moving or anything anyways, right? Come to find out...that's exactly what happened. The following week he shared with the book club that he accepted a job as a Youth Pastor in the Bay Area. I was heartbroken and super sad. I loved this family so much so that I went to the degree of looking into schools up north so that I could move closer to them. I didn' realize that them moving would cause me to find a new church and begin growing in my faith like never before. All this time Matt and I had been meeting and he was mentoring me and speaking into my life. In the process, I became Lily's nanny as Matt commuted and Kathy continued working down here. Eventually, they sold their house and moved up to the Bay area. I have been extremely blessed to have continued my relationship with them and I consider them family. I've been able to visit them about once a year and within the past two months see them when they've come down to San Diego to visit. God knows I need me some VanCleave time :)

I want to share a little about each person in their family and then share some pictures from over the years.



Me and Matt at Disneyland watching Kathy and Lily ride Dumbo

 Matt: Matt is such an influential man of God in my life. He is my old pastor, my mentor, my friend. He is wise. I've always looked up to Matt and admired how he leads his family, how he loves his wife, how he fathers his children. I am very thankful to have known Matt VanCleave and continue to have relationship with him and his amazing family. I remember meeting Matt for coffee a few times to seek guidance. I don't actally even remember (I have a bad memory, lol) what we met for or why, but one thing I will never forget. Matt told me when I was dating my high school boyfriend of 5 years, about 2 1/2 years into our relationship (can't believe I let it linger so long), that if my boyfriend wasn't going to church at the time, what would change that 10 years from now? It hit me hard but it made sense. He basically encouraged that I break up with my boyfriend at the time. He told me he wanted to tell me that the first time we met for coffee, but he knew he needed to gain my trust in him first. (Now, that's wise!) I also remember when I was not passing my tests for the Teaching program and Matt texted me saying: Maybe God has a different plan for you. It was really difficult to read and think about, but I knew that this is what triggered me to get on my knees and cry out to God, seeking His plan for my life, asking Him to help me pass my tests if it be His will that I become a teacher. Matt has been there for me countless times. He's taught me so much. Matt is a great example of a man of God, who cares deeply about the lives of those around him and invests deeply in strengthening their relationships with God and others. Matt will be the person doing the ceremony when the day comes that I get married because he means so much to me. Matt has been such a blessing to me. Love you, Matt!!



Kathy: Kathy is an amazing woman of God. She is like no other. Kathy has such a calm-spirit and there is such a sense of peace that you feel when around her. Kathy has also been there countless times for me. She always answers the phone right when I need to talk. She never fails to be a great listener and knows I'm very chatty. (You know how they say, "chatty kathy", well, in our case, it's always "chatty, katie") Kathy has encouraged me over and over again. Kathy and I have one thing in common: we love sweets- Ice cream in particular :) So, without fail, whenever I visit them, we get frozen yogurt and or ice cream. Kathy knows me so well and loves me for who I am. Kathy is such a loving mother and wife. She submits to her husband. She cares for her girls to the best of her ability. I have had a lot of experience with child care and thought maybe I'd learn through my experiences how to parent my children, yet I have learned so much from Kathy. Kathy is so sweet. She also genuinely cares about others around her and their relationships with God, just as her husband does. She genuinely cares for her family. She genuinely cares for her patients. (She is a nurse practictioner) Kathy always makes me smile. :) I love spending time with her and she is such a blessing to me! Love you, Kath!!!



Matt, Kathy and I at a friend's wedding in San Marcos...shortly after they moved

Matt and Kathy: Matt and Kathy have been such an example to me. I look up to them dearly (have I said that enough yet?) They have shown me what it looks like to have a God-centered marriage. They have taught me how to parent your children in such a way that I've never seen before. They have such a calm-spirit about them that is so refreshing. They are a true picture of being one. I ask Matt something, and if I go to Kathy for advice, she will respond with the same thing. ;) I have never seen them argue or yell at each other. (And I've spent significant amounts of time staying with them each time I come visit over the past few years) Their communication seems so simple and easy. (I suppose that's what happens after 10 + years of marraige..but I kid you not, their relationship with each other is very unique) There is noone like them and I love them so much. *Thank you Matt and Kathy for being there for me so much and for showing such a great example to me in so many ways.

 

Matt + Kathy = Lily  Oh, how I love Lily. I've had the pleasure of  watching Lily since she was about 10 months old and now she is almost 6 years old! Lily and I have so much fun together. She is such a joy to be around! Lily always finds something to laugh about or says something funny. She is super cute! Lily has her own personality. She is so active and loves to be doing something. Lily is very unique. I love Lily so much! :) Lily loves to dress just like me as you can see in the picture below from my last visit.   

                          

And then came Amryn: Amryn was adopted into the VanCleave family almost one year ago. (This Christmas) She is absolutely adorable and she came from Ethiopia. Amryn fits right into the VanCleave family and is also a joy to be around. She smiles and laughs often and is very intelligent. Amryn is very blessed to be part of such a loving family.

Pray for Kofi



Please pray for Kofi. Kofi is a man I met during the five weeks I lived in Ghana. He is a man of God. A teacher at a local public school. A tutor at the Orphange I lived at. Kofi is not just any teacher, he is a great teacher, who doesn't "cane" (beat with a stick) his students, which is very uncommon. He came over a few times when I was living at the Orphanage to tutor some of the kids who lived there. He has a big heart for teaching and for children, which as you know I do, too so I can't even imagine being in his condition.

I was somewhat clueless to many things in Ghana when I lived there and honestly remember seeing Kofi come over to the Orphanage to tutor, but I didn't know him personally that well. I will never forget one day when I was walking home from church with all 23 kids from the Orphanage and one of the kids told me we needed to go to their teacher's house. I remember being confused but did as directed and went with the flow. People in Ghana are so kind and welcoming. They said the teacher wanted us to pray for him. I didn't know anything about him or what had happened, but willingly stepped into his small house. We all somehow managed to fit into this very small room (probably about a little smaller than a standard living room here) He was laying down in the position of the picture above and I was saddened to see the condition of his knee. I was still unsure as to what exactly happened and I didn't even really understand it all. But, I knew this man had faith in God, wanted to be healed, and was hindered by whatever had happened to his leg. He could not get up or move except sit up a little as pictured above. He was stuck in a very small room with concrete walls and nothing to do. I began praying for him as all the children surrounded, bowing their heads to join me in prayer. I asked one of the kids from the Orphanage to pray for their teacher and one of the older boys proceeded to do so. The presence of God was in this tiny room and it was such a special moment to be able to pray for this man with ALL the kids at the Orphanage by my side. These kids really love their teacher and tutor. I was blessed to be part of such a neat experience, yet still heartbroken for this man. He had incredible faith in God.

Today I talked with Becka, my friend I met in Ghana who was volunteering at the same time at me at the Orphanage. Becka is such a great friend becase she always gives me the updates from Ghana since I was lame and didn't get anyone's contact information before I left. Becka shared with me today that Kofi had to have his leg amputated today. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing because I thought maybe he'd be able to be more mobile now. Well, I was wrong. Becka said it's a bad thing because it means he is in a lot of pain and unable to get the further treatment he needs. I thought he could simply use crutches or a wheel chair or something, but duh Katie, he lives in Ghana, not America. Becka quickly reminded me that the resources are not easily accessible and the finances are slim to none in regards to receiving the real support he needs. This broke my heart.

With Kofi's amputated leg and condition that he is in, he is unable to teach and tutor, basically preventing him from working. That means that he is hindered from many things- his finances, his job, and using the gifts God has given him. It also means the the kids at the Orphanage are without a tutor, meaning they are not receiving the best education possible. I cannot even imagine the sorrow he must be experiencing. And here I am, focusing on my problems which entail trying to figure out God's perfect will for my life and battling with my time. What a wake up call!

Please keep Kofi in your prayers. Prayer is the best thing you can offer someone. For strength. For peace. For encouragement. For him to continue to dig deep in His relationship with God through terrible circumstances. For miracles. For God to provide and direct the finances and ability to receive a prosthetic leg so that He can live a normal life again as a teacher, tutor, and man of God. Thank you for your support.

Just Me and God

Most of you who know me can see that something has greatly changed in my life over the past several months, more specifically since I returned from Ghana, Africa. It has been a challenge for me to even describe how or what happened in me there and since I've returned to the States, but hopefully blogging again will help you better understand where I'm at in life.

This concept of Just Me and God honestly began about 9 months ago when I first began attending Vista Assembly of God, my current home church. Before I even walked into the church, God told me "Katie, it's just me and you. Don't worry about anyone else or anything else. Just focus on me and you." I remember very specifically walking into that church for the first time and feeling quite uncomfortable. I had never been to a church like this before. (It is a pentecostal church) The lights were dimmed, it was sorta smokey like a concert, people were speaking in tongues and saying "Thank -You Jesus" a whole lot. I sat in my chair and asked God to speak to me as I heard the worship music playing and people singing. It was then that I heard God tell me "Katie, don't worry about finding the right church, just seek me in Spirit and Truth". I didn't even know what that looked like but I wrote it in my journal, of course. ;)  After the service I remember running into woman who was going to be on my team for Ghana and she asked me what I thought of the service. I told her exactly this "I am very uncomfortable and I have never been to a church like this, so I'm not really sure to be honest." And she told me I need to rebuke Satan and the lies this week.  Rebuke, what the heck does that mean? I thought to myself. Later that week, I looked up the definition. Rebuke: to express sharp, stern, dissaproval of; reprimand. I remember thinking: I don't have that in me. I'm not even stern in the classroom so how am I supposed to be stern with the enemy? Eventually I learned that it's not in the way you say it but in the belief. I don't have to sternly tell Satan something, but I have to speak my dissapproval of it to him and believe he will flee during my prayer.

Before the first time I attended Vista Assembly:

I found out that nobody I know can make it Sunday. A friend offered to go with me, but I believe God wants me to go alone. He wants me to be bold and brave. .

After the first time I attended Vista Assembly:

Wow. I am amazed at the pwoer of God. I feel overwhelmed  by what God is calling me to walk into and how He's speaking to me. I know He wanted me to be there today. I felt uncomfortable because it was a new environment and you feel a little out of place when people are jumping around and dancing and the Spirit of God is present in a way that you haven't ever experienced before. God told me, it's Just me and Him today. Nobody else around, nothing else matters. I stepped out in obedience bodly and bravely. Maybe that was His purpose for me today. Baby steps since I'm not a jumper. I think I'll just bury myself in His word, reveiw the passages the pastor talked about, and continue to press in.

I was very uncomfortable at this church on that first Sunday, but that certainly did not stop me from going back. God continued to draw me there and week after week, I kid you not, every single sermon aligned with exactly what I was going through following my first time. I knew God wanted me to be there. I didn't want to move forward into what God had for me just yet because I was fearful of the unknown and I wanted to be even more sure than I already was. Sometimes as Christians, God makes it very clear as to what He wants us to do or where He wants us to be, yet we fight Him because it's His way, not ours and we aren't ready to let go of our way. Or we find ourselves scared of what is to come even though we know we serve a faithful God whose ways are far better than ours. I experienced both of those during this time. Eventually God spoke to me so strongly that I had to obey. I like to say it was as if I would be slapping God in the face if I ignored all that He was revealing to me by not moving forward.

I continued on my journey with Him at Vista Assembly of God and received the preparation I needed through His Hands and Feet Christian Ministry prior to my departure to Ghana, Africa for about three months. God's timing, ability to align things in our lives, and provision for us according to His will amazes me daily but even moreso when you are pursuing Him with all that you have and walking into the things He's called you to do. I experienced this firsthand. There is SO much to share but I seriously cannot even get it into one blog post and aspire to include it in a book one day.

Alright, back to Just me and God...I'm sorry I got a little side tracked :) Since that moment that God shared that with me, I have grown tremendously in my relationship with God. I have learned that my relationship with Him is the most important and valuable relationship in my life. When I was in Ghana, I had to rely on God like never before. I felt alone. I felt discouraged. I felt overwhelmed. I felt confused. I didn't know why I was there and I was trying to be a light to the non-believers who were volunteering at the Orphanage but I didn't even know what I was doing there so it discouraged me even more. Finally by week five (my last week there) I learned how important it is to be in communion with God. I had to wake up at 7am daily in order to get quiet time in with the Lord, free of interruption. I learned that I have always been expressive about my faith and God, yet I do not truly know Him or my identity in Him. I learned that I had no problem telling people I love God, but I didn't even know His word or the general Bible Stories. I understand I can't know everything, but it is very important to me to have a solid foundation of my faith before going out and telling people about God. I must first believe in Him and receive Him as well as His word before I can expect others to do the same thing.I must rebuild my foundation on God in order that it won't be shaken when others try to trample on it or disagree with the decisions I am making because I love and serve God. I've had my share of difficulties with persecution and felt hurt by things people have said to me since I've returned from Africa. It hasn't been easy trying to describe what God is doing in me and how this second trip to Africa changed me when I don't even completely understand it myself, but one thing remains. It's all about Just me and God. No matter what, my relationship with God is the most important thing to me and I am currently learning how to solidify my faith by rebuilding my foundation on God. I am also finding my identity in Christ.These things take time and effort (discipline), which is also why I have spent less time with others and more time with God since I've returned from Ghana.

I challenege you to evaluate your relationship with God. If you are a believer and you are walking with God, is your relationship with Him the most important and valuable  relationship you have? Are you remaining connected to him daily and not letting your circumstances dictate how your day goes and how you view God? Are you seeking to please Him or please others? These are tough questions that I've also had to evaluate in my walk with God and learn for myself.

For a while I fought with God about this new season I've been in since I returned from Ghana. I didn't like being an introvert instead of an extrovert. I didn't like saying no to things because I knew I needed fellowship with God. I didn't like keeping to myself and not sharing with others what God was doing in my life. But just because I didn't like it doesn't  mean I didn't persevere. I chose to push through, to keep my head up, to pursue Him, even if at the time I did not understand His purpose in all of this. Once I quit fighting Him, I let go and let God move in my life as He intended. I learned as He revealed to me in many different ways that the season I am in is so essential and key for my faith as well as what He has planned for me and so I joyfully accept it now rather than try to avoid it. And I also recognize that some people may not understand this season that I'm in,  the changes that are going on in me, and the calling that God has given me and placed on my life, and I am okay with that. People don't have to understand everything. But, I would hope to receive their support knowing that my heart is after God's, and I'm simply following His lead for me life and walking by faith.

I'm going to end on a scripture that has really helped me get through any difficult times when I've felt discouraged by others opinions or lack of support of what God is doing in me and where He leads me. A friend of mine gave me this scripture and it has blessed me so much. ATTN: PEOPLE PLEASERS: This verse is key for you:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galations 1:10

A Fun-Filled Weekend!

Recently I realized that my posts are all about God, God, and more God. I love God, and it makes sense to share what He is doing in my life, but I also want to start making this blog more about what He's doing in my life and where He is leading me, including the fun places and things I do. I want to add photos and make it all cute, but I am clueless as to how to do that. (If you have any idea or know anyone who can be of help, let me know) One of these days I plan to invest time in trying to make it better than boring generic background without flair. :)

So, here is my first post about some FUN I had this weekend. I believe God has been telling me to stop putting so much pressure on myself to do so many things for Him, but instead to have some fun in life and enjoy it. One very early morning God woke me up and said "Raise God Up and Have Fun!" and that has stuck with me. I don't want to look back on this season in my life and say I wished I could have done more fun stuff, or I wish I would have done this or that.

This past weekend was fun-filled. Saturday was a Girls Day Out with my Bible Study Group for Apple Picking in Julian. I had never been apple picking before and it was very fun. I felt like a kid again. The best part about it was picking an apple right off the tree and being able to eat it right there! Saturday was the day before my last day of The Daniel Fast, a very strict diet that is Biblical. The Daniel Fast entailed eating mostly Fruits and Vegetables, so you better bet those apples have never tasted so good...but really, they were delightful and delicious. I think I ate a total of 4 solely while we were picking them off the tree :) My friend, Danielle, took some photos from the day and posted them on her photo blog: http://www.urbanstillsphotography.com/ under blog titled How About Them Apples. Below are some photos I took with my cell phone:



My first bite into the delightful apple



The cute little green apple I picked :)



A better view of the cute, little, and delicious apple




Sunday I decided to sleep in and spend the day with my sister. I had a very long week and was unable to sleep in at all, and rest is important to me. I will listen to the sermon from church online this week. I spent the day with my sister on Sunday. We went Grocery Shopping at Trader Joes and Ralphs and then headed to Bates Nut Farm. We heard a lot about it and went when we were younger but figured it was time to venture up there again. We heard it was crowded, but didn't realize it would take us almost 2 hours to go about 10 miles! By the time we got there, we thought it must be pretty great! :) We were impressed with the size of it and went inside to buy some peanut brittle, toffee nuts, and fill up a bag of candy. Aren't we so healthy? ; ) We definitely have a family full of sweet teeth. Then we went to find our pumpkins. We were a bit overwhelmed by the massive amounts of pumpkins and caught ourselves people watching and adoring the cute children surrounded by pumpkins who were being photographed by their parents. We ended up picking out a couple along with baby pumpkins to decorate the house with, took a few photos, and headed back to the car. It turned out to be a longer day than we had planned, but we had fun and that was the most important part! :) Below are some pictures from our adventurous day.




A cute little colorful tree we saw on our way there while sitting in traffic



Unbelievable! We finally made it!



Sooooooo many pumpkins...and this is just one section

I found one! :)



Marissa and her pumpkin.

A cute baby pumpkin



Super cute pumpkin



Sisterly love



Can you tell we're sisters? :) I think we look more alike as we get older.



We love our salt-water taffy...




...and our Butter Toffee Nuts (Peanut Brittle is for our mom)

 


When you get angry, how do you respond?

Tonight I caught myself getting angry with someone, and I recognized after the fact that I was not pleased with how I responded to the conflict. God is really growing me in this area. (Yes, I do get angry, believe it or not) Let me begin with the scripture God brought to mind.

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:19-22

Is it just me or isn't it so hard to remember this scripture when we are in the midst of something that causes our emotions to rise so quickly? In fact, when these situations come about, I find myself doing the exact opposite. I'm slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. Something is wrong with that. As soon as I get angry or frustrated, it is as if something arises in me and I won't settle until the person I am communicating with hears me out or agrees with me. I find myself ending the argument..."Well, we aren't getting anywhere with this by arguing and disagreeing, constantly restating ourselves, so let's just stop talking about this. It's not doing us any good and it's only causing tension in our relationship." That is true, but at this point, I've become so worked up about it that I can't keep discussing whatever this disagreement is about. I choose to end the conversation in frustration.

This time around, I decided to deal with it immediately and take it to God. I didn't feel good about how it went and I didn't feel like I responded well to what sparked the argument in the first place. In fact, I think it was me who actually let the argument arise. Of course we never want to admit such a thing or see things in ourselves we dislike, but God is certainly good at humbling me lately, especially when I am not portraying the character of Christ. I knew He was the best one to talk about this though and I asked him to give me a scripture to help me see things His way. He gave me the scripture above. I began to calm down and see things in a new perspective, through the lens of Christ. Before I looked up the scripture, I thought about how I have a choice as to how I respond to someone, no matter the topic of discussion. I can control what comes out of my mouth and I want to speak life and not death. (The Bible discusses the power of the tongue a great deal ) I began to think about how I could have responded differently. I began to think about the words I could have said instead of what actually came out of my mouth. I began to think about the root of my frustration and anger. God kindly reminded me that I could have responded in a way that was Christ-like, how He would have responded to a disagreement.. Next time I experience this, I hope I can do things differently. I am so thankful we can learn from our mistakes. After I stepped away from the disagreement, I was able to recognize that the real problem was me. A Christ-like response would have been quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Had I approached it this way, the conversation would have been much shorter and I would have walked away with peace, God's peace. I may have still felt hurt or frustrated internally, but it wouldn't have brought about so much conflict between me and the person I was talking to. I could have responded so simply and let it be.

When I opened up my Bible to the Scripture, I couldn't help but notice the words that followed that verse..."humbly accept the word planted in you" (In my head: quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry), and "Do not merely listen to the word, do what it says." WOW. So, God quickly confirmed through His Word the right way to respond when you feel angry, and the importance of acting on that appropriate response in the midst of it.

-Study notes: When we talk too much and listen to little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas are much more important than theirs. James wisely advises us to reverse this process. Put a mental stopwatch on your conversations and keep track of how much you talk and how much you listen.

-Study Notes: These verses speak of anger that erupts when our egos are bruised- "I am hurt"; "My opinions are not being heard." When injustice and sin occur, we should become angry because others are being hurt. But we should not become angry when we fail to win an argument or when we feel offended or neglected. Selfish anger never helps anybody.

-Study Notes: It is important to listen to what God's word says, but it is much more important to obey it, to do what it says.

Anger takes our focus off God.

"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land." Psalm 37:8, 9

-Study Notes: Anger and worry (fretting) are two very destructive emotions. They reveal a lack of faith that God loves us and is in control. We should not worry; instead, we should trust in God, giving ourselves to him for his use and safekeeping. When you dwell on your problems, you will become anxious and angry. But if you concentrate on God and his goodness, you will find peace.

Reflect on how you respond to people when you get angry and remember that you are responsible for the words that come out of your mouth and you do have control over them. Think before you speak. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I believe this takes time to learn, as this isn't the first time I've not been pleased with how I've responded when I get angry. I am thankful God is helping me see things His way and a better way to respond. How can we reflect God's character if we are not responding to anger in a way that is Christ-like?

Day by Day

I must confess that I am not pleased with my last post on my blog titled Start Somewhere. I honestly wanted to delete it and hoped nobody had read it. I wish I could have made it short and sweet about how when I feel overwhelmed with the many things I want to do in my daily life, God kindly told me to Start Somewhere. It could have been just that plus an encouragement to others to do the same. Instead, I felt the need to expand and list all the things in my daily life that I wanted to accomplish, and then make a new list of how I would accomplish them. It was all so unrealistic and I have not even followed through with the "new list" I made of how I would accomplish everything.

After hoping nobody had read it, a friend of mine texted me. Here is how our conversation went. "F" means friend and will be what she wrote and "K" is for what I wrote.

F: How is your list of things you want to get done going?
K: I was hoping nobody read that blog. It was too much and I haven't done much and I am so hard on my self :( Just taking it Day by Day.
F: Day by Day is good! It was quite a list...lots of things to fit into every day.
K: Ya, not sure what I was thinking ;) I wanted to delete it!
F: It's ok...maybe amend it? I'm sure when most people read it they were wondering when you were planning on sleeping...that was my question at least.

Since writing that blog, I recognized how easy it is for me to be hard on myself. I tend to focus on the things I don't get done in the day. I tend to focus on the things I am not changing and I forget to focus on the positive. This is quite interesting for me because I am generally a positive person, yet when it comes to evaluating myself and my time, I can't even pick out the positives. Maybe you can relate.

I am in a Women's Bible Study that meets weekly and I like to call it my Girls Group. Last Tuesday night they asked me how I was doing on the Daniel Fast (God put it on my heart to do this a while ago and I am finally doing it...may post a blog eventually with more details) and I was quick to tell them how discouraged I was about my success with this fast. After sharing with them, they began to tell me they think I am doing great and it sounds like I am doing great. You see, I notice the things I am falling short in, and they see my choice to do the fast and discipline to stick to it despite the challenges. It definitely opened my eyes and I went home after Girls Group and started reflecting on the things I am doing well with on this fast and the good coming from it. I felt so much better.

Another thing that has come to mind since writing my previous blog is

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

In context, this scripture is surrounded by Jesus telling his disciples not to worry. I often find myself worrying about my time- how I should use it, which one of the many things to do when I have empty time, what should I do first, am I using it wisely? You may find yourself worrying about other things. However, Jesus instructs us not to worry and instead seek Him first.. I like to see it as when we seek Him first, everything else will fall into place. God will take care of the rest if we are seeking Him first. The study notes in my Bible say the following about this scripture: To "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness" means to turn to God first for help, to fill your thoughts with His desires, to take his character to your pattern, and to serve and obey him in everything. What is really important to you? People, objects, goals, and other desires all compete for priority. Any of these can quickly become most important if you don't actively choose to give God first place in every area of your life.

A recent devotional from Jesus Calling, written by a missionary, as if God is speaking the words she is writing, states the following.

IN ORDER TO HEAR MY VOICE, you must release all your worries into My care. Entrust to me everything that concerns you. This clears the way for you to seek My face unhindered. Let Me free you from fear that is hiding deep inside you. Sit quietly in My Presence, allowing My Light to soak into you and drive out any darkness lodged within you. Accept each day just as it comes to you, remembering that I am sovereign over your life. Rejoice in this day that I have made, trusting that I am abundantly present in it. Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me and don't be fearful; thank Me and rest in My sovereignty.

1 Peter 5:6-7: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Psalm 118:24: "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

1 Thessalonians 5:18: "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

My encouragement to you on this journey of Pursuing Him is learn from my mistakes. Don't set yourself up for failure. Set realistic expectations that you can meet, or trust that God will help you accomplish everything you need to in His timing. Trust that daily He will guide you and give you wisdom about what to do. This is something I am learning and the past couple days have been better since I have taken it day by day and chosen to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading with my time.

Because God is so timely, as I finished writing in my journal the Jesus Calling Devotional, I heard a song on Pandora play that was so relevant and timely. It is called Remain by Starfield. The music video is posted below. Day after day God never changes. No matter how I choose to live my day, God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Start Somewhere

Do you ever think about all the things you want to do yet somehow never make time to do them? I find myself doing this quite often. Sometimes I become overwhelmed with how many different things I want to do that I sit and dwell on which one I should do instead of simply starting somewhere. Sometimes it can be so hard to put our thoughts into actions. Let me give you some examples of my list of the many things I'd like to do on a consistent basis.

1. Read books

2. Read my Bible

3. Write a book or two

4. Blog

5. Eat healthier

6. Exercise

7. Listen to God

8. Write prophetic words for people

9. Seek God for guidance about Africa in my future

10. Finish reading my Bible front to back (Should have been done in August and I'm only in Hosea)

11. Journal to my future husband (I have a journal for him that I started in January 2010)

12. Finish my Ghana photo book

13. Make photo book for Mozambique trip in 2010

14. Make photo book from student teaching

15. Rest in God's presence

These things are on my mind constantly, and the Lord has blessed me with time right now, so I can work towards accomplishing these things, it is just a matter of starting somewhere. If I look at the long list, of course it will be overwhelming. There is no way I can do all of the above daily.

The Lord kindly asked me what am I doing to accomplish these tasks. And so, I reflected:

1. I want to read more, but I don't read my book often
*2. I want to read my Bible consistently, and I am doing better by studying Jesus and reading through Matthew
3. I want to write a book or two, but I don't sit down and start writing either of them
4. I want to blog more, but I can't get myself to sit down and do it. Do I continue to post and reflect on coming home from Ghana? What about before Ghana, the posts I wanted to share but never wrote? Do I post one of the many topics God's given me through journaling and reading His word since I've been back from Africa? Do I post on what I am going through now? There are so many choices and I don't know what to choose so I choose nothing.
*5. I want to eat healthier, and I have done what the Lord has told me to do that by changing what I am eating for a specific amount of time
6. I want to exercise, but I'm not getting off my butt and doing anything of that sort.
7. I want to listen to God, but I'm not taking time to be still and listen.
8. I want to write prophetic words for people, but I am not taking time to be still and ask God who He wants me to give a word to and what He wants me to say. It's simple, just takes time.
9. I want to know where God wants to take me in regards to Africa in the future, but I'm not asking Him persistently nor am I being active about my pursuit in the things He has revealed to me.
10. I want to finish reading my Bible front to back, but I'm not doing the daily reading from my plan, so how can I ever expect to finish it?
11. I want to write more journal entries to my future husband in his journal, but I don't do it when I think of it and then I get distracted by other things and never go back to it.
12. I want to finish my photo book I'm making for Ghana, but I am not making time to work on it.
13. I want to make a photo book from Mozambique 2010 trip to Africa, but I haven't started it.
14. I want to make a photo book from student teaching, but I haven't started it.
15. I want to rest in God's presence, but I choose not to

So, I am actually putting into action about 1/7th of what is on my list. When I began to reflect on all of the above, the Lord told me, Katie, just start somewhere. Do something. And so, I have decided to make some changes by starting somewhere. Note that this is a choice I am making, and you too, can choose to start somewhere on the list of things you want to accomplish. Part of starting somewhere is starting small. When you evaluate your list, come up with tasks that you are able to accomplish and don't be hard on yourself if you have one bad day or are unable to meet your committment for the week, but try again for next week and don't let it become a habit that you fall short on your new committments.

1. Everyday, I committ to reading for 30 minutes.
2. I will continue to read my Bible daily and study Jesus through the gospels
3. I will set aside one day/afternoon each week where I will work on solely writing my books.
4. I will committ to post two blogs each week at least.
5. I will continue with the committment God has told me to do in regards to eating healthier for the length of time He has placed on my heart
6. I will exercie 3 days a week for 30 minutes each at minimum. (Do some sort of cardio, even if it is a simple walk)
7. I will spend 10 minutes a day listening to God.
8. I will spend 10 minutes a day asking God for a word for someone
9. I will email the open doors and meet with people I need to about Africa, and be consistent about asking God what He wants for me. I will also listen for His direction and start saving money for a future trip to Africa.
10. I will complete the daily readings on my Daily Bible Reading plan to finish reading the Bible front to back
11. I will write journal entries to my husband the moment that they come to mind
12. I will complete two pages in my Ghana photo book everyday in order to complete it soon
13. I will begin a photo book from Mozambique trip and spend 30 minutes each day working on it
14. I will begin a photo book from Student teaching and spend 30 minutes each day working on it
15. I will listen to one worship song every day where I am resting in God's presence.

All that being said, what things do you think about doing but haven't yet for some reason or another? I know not everyone has as much free time as I do, but we have to make time in order to start somewhere. If we don't start somewhere, we will never accomplish any of the things we desire to do. I encourage you to make a list and get started with how you will make changes so that you can start somewhere on those things and begin to accomplish them.