Tonight I caught myself getting angry with someone, and I recognized after the fact that I was not pleased with how I responded to the conflict. God is really growing me in this area. (Yes, I do get angry, believe it or not) Let me begin with the scripture God brought to mind.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:19-22
Is it just me or isn't it so hard to remember this scripture when we are in the midst of something that causes our emotions to rise so quickly? In fact, when these situations come about, I find myself doing the exact opposite. I'm slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. Something is wrong with that. As soon as I get angry or frustrated, it is as if something arises in me and I won't settle until the person I am communicating with hears me out or agrees with me. I find myself ending the argument..."Well, we aren't getting anywhere with this by arguing and disagreeing, constantly restating ourselves, so let's just stop talking about this. It's not doing us any good and it's only causing tension in our relationship." That is true, but at this point, I've become so worked up about it that I can't keep discussing whatever this disagreement is about. I choose to end the conversation in frustration.
This time around, I decided to deal with it immediately and take it to God. I didn't feel good about how it went and I didn't feel like I responded well to what sparked the argument in the first place. In fact, I think it was me who actually let the argument arise. Of course we never want to admit such a thing or see things in ourselves we dislike, but God is certainly good at humbling me lately, especially when I am not portraying the character of Christ. I knew He was the best one to talk about this though and I asked him to give me a scripture to help me see things His way. He gave me the scripture above. I began to calm down and see things in a new perspective, through the lens of Christ. Before I looked up the scripture, I thought about how I have a choice as to how I respond to someone, no matter the topic of discussion. I can control what comes out of my mouth and I want to speak life and not death. (The Bible discusses the power of the tongue a great deal ) I began to think about how I could have responded differently. I began to think about the words I could have said instead of what actually came out of my mouth. I began to think about the root of my frustration and anger. God kindly reminded me that I could have responded in a way that was Christ-like, how He would have responded to a disagreement.. Next time I experience this, I hope I can do things differently. I am so thankful we can learn from our mistakes. After I stepped away from the disagreement, I was able to recognize that the real problem was me. A Christ-like response would have been quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Had I approached it this way, the conversation would have been much shorter and I would have walked away with peace, God's peace. I may have still felt hurt or frustrated internally, but it wouldn't have brought about so much conflict between me and the person I was talking to. I could have responded so simply and let it be.
When I opened up my Bible to the Scripture, I couldn't help but notice the words that followed that verse..."humbly accept the word planted in you" (In my head: quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry), and "Do not merely listen to the word, do what it says." WOW. So, God quickly confirmed through His Word the right way to respond when you feel angry, and the importance of acting on that appropriate response in the midst of it.
-Study notes: When we talk too much and listen to little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas are much more important than theirs. James wisely advises us to reverse this process. Put a mental stopwatch on your conversations and keep track of how much you talk and how much you listen.
-Study Notes: These verses speak of anger that erupts when our egos are bruised- "I am hurt"; "My opinions are not being heard." When injustice and sin occur, we should become angry because others are being hurt. But we should not become angry when we fail to win an argument or when we feel offended or neglected. Selfish anger never helps anybody.
-Study Notes: It is important to listen to what God's word says, but it is much more important to obey it, to do what it says.
Anger takes our focus off God.
"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land." Psalm 37:8, 9
-Study Notes: Anger and worry (fretting) are two very destructive emotions. They reveal a lack of faith that God loves us and is in control. We should not worry; instead, we should trust in God, giving ourselves to him for his use and safekeeping. When you dwell on your problems, you will become anxious and angry. But if you concentrate on God and his goodness, you will find peace.
Reflect on how you respond to people when you get angry and remember that you are responsible for the words that come out of your mouth and you do have control over them. Think before you speak. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I believe this takes time to learn, as this isn't the first time I've not been pleased with how I've responded when I get angry. I am thankful God is helping me see things His way and a better way to respond. How can we reflect God's character if we are not responding to anger in a way that is Christ-like?
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