Just Me and God

Most of you who know me can see that something has greatly changed in my life over the past several months, more specifically since I returned from Ghana, Africa. It has been a challenge for me to even describe how or what happened in me there and since I've returned to the States, but hopefully blogging again will help you better understand where I'm at in life.

This concept of Just Me and God honestly began about 9 months ago when I first began attending Vista Assembly of God, my current home church. Before I even walked into the church, God told me "Katie, it's just me and you. Don't worry about anyone else or anything else. Just focus on me and you." I remember very specifically walking into that church for the first time and feeling quite uncomfortable. I had never been to a church like this before. (It is a pentecostal church) The lights were dimmed, it was sorta smokey like a concert, people were speaking in tongues and saying "Thank -You Jesus" a whole lot. I sat in my chair and asked God to speak to me as I heard the worship music playing and people singing. It was then that I heard God tell me "Katie, don't worry about finding the right church, just seek me in Spirit and Truth". I didn't even know what that looked like but I wrote it in my journal, of course. ;)  After the service I remember running into woman who was going to be on my team for Ghana and she asked me what I thought of the service. I told her exactly this "I am very uncomfortable and I have never been to a church like this, so I'm not really sure to be honest." And she told me I need to rebuke Satan and the lies this week.  Rebuke, what the heck does that mean? I thought to myself. Later that week, I looked up the definition. Rebuke: to express sharp, stern, dissaproval of; reprimand. I remember thinking: I don't have that in me. I'm not even stern in the classroom so how am I supposed to be stern with the enemy? Eventually I learned that it's not in the way you say it but in the belief. I don't have to sternly tell Satan something, but I have to speak my dissapproval of it to him and believe he will flee during my prayer.

Before the first time I attended Vista Assembly:

I found out that nobody I know can make it Sunday. A friend offered to go with me, but I believe God wants me to go alone. He wants me to be bold and brave. .

After the first time I attended Vista Assembly:

Wow. I am amazed at the pwoer of God. I feel overwhelmed  by what God is calling me to walk into and how He's speaking to me. I know He wanted me to be there today. I felt uncomfortable because it was a new environment and you feel a little out of place when people are jumping around and dancing and the Spirit of God is present in a way that you haven't ever experienced before. God told me, it's Just me and Him today. Nobody else around, nothing else matters. I stepped out in obedience bodly and bravely. Maybe that was His purpose for me today. Baby steps since I'm not a jumper. I think I'll just bury myself in His word, reveiw the passages the pastor talked about, and continue to press in.

I was very uncomfortable at this church on that first Sunday, but that certainly did not stop me from going back. God continued to draw me there and week after week, I kid you not, every single sermon aligned with exactly what I was going through following my first time. I knew God wanted me to be there. I didn't want to move forward into what God had for me just yet because I was fearful of the unknown and I wanted to be even more sure than I already was. Sometimes as Christians, God makes it very clear as to what He wants us to do or where He wants us to be, yet we fight Him because it's His way, not ours and we aren't ready to let go of our way. Or we find ourselves scared of what is to come even though we know we serve a faithful God whose ways are far better than ours. I experienced both of those during this time. Eventually God spoke to me so strongly that I had to obey. I like to say it was as if I would be slapping God in the face if I ignored all that He was revealing to me by not moving forward.

I continued on my journey with Him at Vista Assembly of God and received the preparation I needed through His Hands and Feet Christian Ministry prior to my departure to Ghana, Africa for about three months. God's timing, ability to align things in our lives, and provision for us according to His will amazes me daily but even moreso when you are pursuing Him with all that you have and walking into the things He's called you to do. I experienced this firsthand. There is SO much to share but I seriously cannot even get it into one blog post and aspire to include it in a book one day.

Alright, back to Just me and God...I'm sorry I got a little side tracked :) Since that moment that God shared that with me, I have grown tremendously in my relationship with God. I have learned that my relationship with Him is the most important and valuable relationship in my life. When I was in Ghana, I had to rely on God like never before. I felt alone. I felt discouraged. I felt overwhelmed. I felt confused. I didn't know why I was there and I was trying to be a light to the non-believers who were volunteering at the Orphanage but I didn't even know what I was doing there so it discouraged me even more. Finally by week five (my last week there) I learned how important it is to be in communion with God. I had to wake up at 7am daily in order to get quiet time in with the Lord, free of interruption. I learned that I have always been expressive about my faith and God, yet I do not truly know Him or my identity in Him. I learned that I had no problem telling people I love God, but I didn't even know His word or the general Bible Stories. I understand I can't know everything, but it is very important to me to have a solid foundation of my faith before going out and telling people about God. I must first believe in Him and receive Him as well as His word before I can expect others to do the same thing.I must rebuild my foundation on God in order that it won't be shaken when others try to trample on it or disagree with the decisions I am making because I love and serve God. I've had my share of difficulties with persecution and felt hurt by things people have said to me since I've returned from Africa. It hasn't been easy trying to describe what God is doing in me and how this second trip to Africa changed me when I don't even completely understand it myself, but one thing remains. It's all about Just me and God. No matter what, my relationship with God is the most important thing to me and I am currently learning how to solidify my faith by rebuilding my foundation on God. I am also finding my identity in Christ.These things take time and effort (discipline), which is also why I have spent less time with others and more time with God since I've returned from Ghana.

I challenege you to evaluate your relationship with God. If you are a believer and you are walking with God, is your relationship with Him the most important and valuable  relationship you have? Are you remaining connected to him daily and not letting your circumstances dictate how your day goes and how you view God? Are you seeking to please Him or please others? These are tough questions that I've also had to evaluate in my walk with God and learn for myself.

For a while I fought with God about this new season I've been in since I returned from Ghana. I didn't like being an introvert instead of an extrovert. I didn't like saying no to things because I knew I needed fellowship with God. I didn't like keeping to myself and not sharing with others what God was doing in my life. But just because I didn't like it doesn't  mean I didn't persevere. I chose to push through, to keep my head up, to pursue Him, even if at the time I did not understand His purpose in all of this. Once I quit fighting Him, I let go and let God move in my life as He intended. I learned as He revealed to me in many different ways that the season I am in is so essential and key for my faith as well as what He has planned for me and so I joyfully accept it now rather than try to avoid it. And I also recognize that some people may not understand this season that I'm in,  the changes that are going on in me, and the calling that God has given me and placed on my life, and I am okay with that. People don't have to understand everything. But, I would hope to receive their support knowing that my heart is after God's, and I'm simply following His lead for me life and walking by faith.

I'm going to end on a scripture that has really helped me get through any difficult times when I've felt discouraged by others opinions or lack of support of what God is doing in me and where He leads me. A friend of mine gave me this scripture and it has blessed me so much. ATTN: PEOPLE PLEASERS: This verse is key for you:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galations 1:10