The fruit of my breakthrough: Peace and rest in knowing God's going to bring me my husband at the right time in the right place, and I will be pursued.
If you've known me for any length of time, especially int he last couple of years, you know I am not afraid to ask a guy out or somehow communicate my interest in him. I've often been the initiator and the one to keep the connection going when I meet a guy, which stems from insecurity. However I've noticed a pressure in the Christian culture, when it comes to dating. Guys feel pressure to ask girls out, but don't always take the risk due to fear that the girl will think he wants to marry her rather than simply get to know her. It's just coffee, not a proposal! One of my passions is to see this shift. As a catalyst, I believe that I am a core part of this shift, therefore I took steps towards breakthrough not only for myself but for an entire culture, and the body of Christ. Keep reading to hear about the practical steps I took in establishing breakthrough in my life regarding relationships with guys. It requires an intentional pursuit and courage, but if I can do it, so can you!
As you continue to read this post, keep in mind that the fruit of my breakthrough was seen after sowing into it for some time. Don't underestimate the power of your breakthrough! So often we think what we are doing in the spirit, or our stepping out and taking risks aren't doing anything because we can't see an immediate change in our lives, but the greater truth is breakthrough is happening and the fruit of your breakthrough will come! Nothing you do will ever go to waste.
Someone recently asked me if I was dating anyone and when I replied that I wasn't, she was shocked and said, "I could totally see you as the girl all the guys want to go out with.". It made me laugh because the opposite is actually what my reality has been. While that could have created great insecurity, and has at some points in my life, the reality is God has been protecting me from relationships that aren't meant to develop, heartache that could come from being led on, and anything else that comes from a relationship or elongated dating process that wasn't His intention for me.
Without going into too much detail, I've asked a few guys out in the last year, but tried to keep it casual. My heart behind it was to simply get to know them. The first guy I met at a teaching conference, and literally felt supernatural courage to go up to him and ask if he was staying in town or heading home, because I wanted to get to know him a bit. He came out of no where, and everyone always says "you'll meet your husband when you least expect it or you're not looking for him." Of course with every guy we meet when we're en route to marriage, we think about whether or not we could see ourselves with them. Let's be real! Anyways, we spent some time together and my heart grew fond of him, but I soon discovered his intentions were not romantic. It was hard to hear, but felt easier to move forward because of the truth that God knows exactly who is best for me even more than I do. Shortly after I met a guy who I kept seeing in passing. Again, I asked if he wanted to grab a bite to eat, and he said yes. I made it as casual as possible. I had a gift card somewhere, I communicated my intentions, and let it be. Conversation was good, and seemed natural. Though my intentions were to get to know him, I still hoped that desire would continue on his end. While he appreciated our time together, the desire wasn't mutual after hanging out. This had nothing to do with my character, but simply where he was at and what he desired at the time. He affirmed me and encouraged me to keep taking risks, and we're still able to be friends. Then I met another guy out of the blue, and it was clearly a divine appointment in so many ways. I'd never met a guy like him. Conversation was natural and flowed well, and we both wanted to spend time together. He was a pleasant surprise and tangible hope of what could come. However, reality hit when he left town and didn't personally stay connected. It was then that God affirmed in me more than ever that if a guy is interested in a woman, he will do whatever it takes to pursue connection with her, and I am worthy of that pursuit even though I have never experienced it before. With each and every guy I asked out, it felt and looked like it was doing nothing for me at the time. However, each time it became easier to move forward and trust the Lord with my husband.
Not only did taking these risks contribute to the fruit of my breakthrough, but a good friend holding me accountable to not keep connection with the last guy brought the most fruit. It was so hard for me not to initiate communication to protect that connection with him, however my friend was looking out for me in the long haul, and cared more about me breaking a cycle in my life than meeting a need to feel secure by staying connected with a guy. You see, every relationship or guy I asked out in the past or liked, I kept connection with in some way to make me feel secure and hold onto hope that there could be someone out there fore me, and maybe it was him. Letting go felt so hard, but that was because I didn't trust God because of my personal history with relationships. It was hard for me to believe that I am worthy to be pursued and someone would pursue me, because I had never experienced it. The good news is our past experience doesn't define who we are, or what our future looks like! God always has great things in store for us! I've heard someone say, He's not holding things from us, he's holding things for us. This amazing friend of mine held me accountable to keeping my connection minimal with this guy, and only respond when he reached out to me. Let me just tell you how powerful that has been for me, as it has brought me so much security. The truth is that I am worthy to be pursued, and if a guy is interested in you, you will know because he will do whatever it takes to get to know you. It's one thing to hear people say these things to you, but another to believe them. I believe that my belief came into alignment with the truth when this accountability produced the fruit of security in who I am. Also, each time I was "rejected" by the guys I asked out when they didn't want to continue getting to know me one-on-one, it actually catapulted me into this belief and confidence in knowing that God has someone absolutely incredible for me and he is coming soon! And the amazing part about it all, is I can remain friends with every single one of those guys and see them as my brothers in Christ. God shifts our perspective of people when He reveals to us that they aren't the person He has for us, and enables us to break that emotional attachment we created so that we are free and they are free. Another piece to the puzzle that produced this fruit in me is that I know I was fully myself in each interaction with each of these guys. If I'm presenting myself to them, then I know that I have no reason to be insecure if they don't choose me. That who I am is not defined by whether or not a guy wants to get to know me, date me, or pursue me, but who I am is defined by who God says I am.
So that's my encouragement to you! Step out. Don't be afraid to ask someone out. Don't hold back for fear of rejection. Walk in courage, because no matter the outcome, you will experience the fruit of your breakthrough. Every time something didn't work out with someone, I always reminded myself that I am one step closer to something working out. It's a paradigm shift in our mind that empowers us to believe for a greater reality than our past experiences and history with relationships. And you never know, maybe stepping out and asking a guy out will lead you to your husband, maybe not. Regardless though, you will experience breakthrough. And your breakthrough will produce fruit.