A challenging week...but God is SO good.

Last week was the most challenging week since I've been here in Kona doing YWAM. But through it all, I've learned that God is SO good. God was speaking to me about some stuff that I struggle with and I wasn't thrilled to hear about it. I mean, we all like to think we're perfect and we have no problems, right? :) I honestly thought my time here in Kona would be a breeze, like a honeymoon with Jesus. Don't get me wrong, it is and it has been wonderful, but it won't be that way the entire time. It is such a beautiful place to be and I am seriously so thankful and blessed beyond belief. It's been 3 weeks and it still feels surreal to me. I have no doubt in my mind that I am where I am supposed to be right now. And I have so much peace. (That is a good sign that you're right where you should be or you made a good decision about something) However, I didn't expect it to be challenging. I've heard dts (discipleship training school) is life changing and truly transforms you, but I thought for me it would simply be a retreat with God. I thought I already went through the "bandage ripping off" stuff last year. What I mean by that is a painful process in which God breaks you down and removes the "baggage" in your life so that you can be restored and rebuilt and strengthened in Him. Last year was the most challenging year for me spiritually so I felt as though I already went through that process with God and wouldn't need to experience it again in dts. I may be right about this, but I didn't realize that God had another process in which I'd be strengthened in Him. I like to call it "heart surgery". There are so many things in my heart that need to change or maybe even some things that I never dealt with and are still there. I need to be refined and renewed in my identity in Jesus. And wen God began revealing this stuff to me last week it was painful because I didn't realize how many struggles I still had or that I had any at all.

Even though I began to recognize these things and "fight" with God or ignore and avoid them, He patiently waited for me to be ready to respond. And even when I heard Him speak to me and I was disobedient, He didn't respond in anger. "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8 When I was ready to talk with God about this "heart surgery" and accepted it in my heart that it is essential for me to have it in order to build and strengthen my identity in Him, I went to the prayer room with my journal and Bible. And to my amazement, I somehow opened up to scriptures that were so relevant to what I was going through. I'm not even sure how it happened, but like I said...God is SO good. I keep thinking about this: God is so faithful to provide everything we need at just the right time I shouldn't be amazed because God is always so good. The Bible is so big, yet He led me directly to the scriptures I needed to read at just the right time. The main scripture that stuck out to me in regards to "heart surgery" is this: "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." Hebrews 12:11-12

After this, I began to reflect on how essential the Word of God is and how important it is that I spend quality time with God and reading His Word. As believers, I don't think we truly understand the value of God's word or we would treat it differently. God's word is such a gift to us, yet we barely act that way. It's our instructions for life. It's what we believe in. It is for us, yet we barely use it. I wonder why that is. I should be speaking for myself, but I know I'm not the only one who battles with reading the Bible as a discipline and not because we want to. It becomes something on our to-do list that we simply check off only when we desperately need it or feel bad that we aren't reading it. Sometimes it feels like a chore and we dread reading it. We think we need to read the Bible to be a "good Christian". We stare at it sitting on our shelf and in our hearts desire to read it yet we can't seem to pick it up and open it. Sometimes it's overwhelming because it is so big and we don't even know where to begin. When we do actually read it, we feel good that we were able to check it off our list and when we don't read it we feel bad until we do it. Truth: "but there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1 This isn't how God intended the Bible to be for believers. Instead of dreading it or reading it because we're supposed to, we should delight in it and look forward to reading it daily. It should be like a treasure hunt, wondering where God will lead  us to read each day and what He's going to speak to us through it. This is when it displays a relationship with God, not a religion. We desire to get to know God for who He is and we enjoy spending time with Him, as we would in any other relationship. God has really been pressing this on my heart as I have fallen into this trap of the enemy time and time again. Satan doesn't want us to read our Bibles so he is going to do all in his power to keep us in that place of religion and making us feel bad when we don't read our Bibles. So, then, the question is, How do we shift from reading the Bible being a mundane task a passionate pursuit of Jesus? How do we get to a place where reading our Bibles isn't just an obligation and something we should do to becoming something we want to do and enjoy doing? I'm not sure I have the best answer, but I can share what I think based on personal experience.

I found that my desire and hunger for God shifted when I focused more on getting to know God and who He is. I began to fall in love with Him and His character as I spent more time in His presence (listening to worship music, reading the Bible, praying/talking with Him about everything). When you fall in love with someone, you naturally want to spend time with them. The same is true with God. My hunger to spend time with Him increased as I became more intimate with Him. Another thing I found helpful is asking God for a desire to be in His Word and get to know Him. He knows our hearts and He will honor us because He loves us and our motives are pure. Matthew 7:7-8 says "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." I know it seems simple to ask, but sometimes we don't even think to do that. What I love about this scripture is that it says to keep on asking. This way, if you feel you don't have the desire or aren't eager to read the Bible, keep on asking until you do. The last thing that I believe shifted in me (keep in mind, I still fall short and I'm not perfect in this area either) was getting baptized in the Holy Spirit. You read about it in Luke 3:16 and Acts 1:8. I said a prayer at church with my congregation as the pastor led us and I believe that is when I got baptized in the Holy Spirit. It wasn't anything crazy and radical that happened. It was something I declared out loud and believe in my heart happened. You can do the same thing and simply pray and ask God to baptize you in the Holy Spirit and by faith believe it is done.

After getting filled with the Word of God, something else was thrown my way. It's something personal with a friend of mine out here so I'm not going to share much information about it. But, basically, she's going through something very difficult and similar to something that I saw someone else close to me at home go through. I spent the day by her and her mom's side on Friday knowing that is exactly what God wanted me to do. This situation caused emotions to rise in me because it was like a flashback of what I've been through with someone before. Back home, the situation got better before I moved to Kona and I was so thankful because it wasn't easy for me and here I am going through it again with a new friend. But, as most of you know, God has given me a compassionate, tender, gentle, and comforting heart. So, I know He chose me to be there with her and her mom through this difficult time in their lives. Even though it has been hard for me, God is SO good. He gave me the strength and energy I needed for the day I spent with them and I was going on 4 1/2 hours of sleep. And, at the end of the day, He gave me time to talk with some people on staff in my dts. Talking with the staff was something I needed. It was like immediate encouragement and support to me at just the right time.

God continued to show His goodness to me when I woke up the following morning and I received a text message from a woman who attends my church back home. I told her it was perfect timing and expressed my need for prayer. Then she sent me some scriptures and wrote out a prayer for me. In this case, I didn't even reach out for prayer and encouragement. God gave it to me anyways. He put me on her heart at just the right time and it blessed me so much. Not only does God always know what we need and when we need it, He also gives us what we need even if we don't realize we need it. The rest of the day I went on a date with Jesus. I brought my journal and Bible with me to a local coffee shop in downtown Kona and enjoyed a large chai tea latte. Then I came back to campus and had lunch. After that I went back downtown and enjoyed some frozen yogurt. I should date Jesus more often :)

Even though last week was very challenging for me, God still remained faithful to who He is. My difficult circumstances didn't change the character of God. He is still so good. And when we step away from our circumstances or even press through them, we reach a place where we are able to see that. A friend/pastor/amazing woman of God/mighty warrior always says this You can't change your circumstances, but YOU can change in the midst of them. Another thing God brought to mind is a saying that I'm not sure where I've heard it before so I can't take the credit: You can't choose the cards you are dealt, but you can choose how you play them. That being said, my response is te following: I chose to come to Kona and partake in YWAM, however I did not choose the circumstances I've been in. I would have never thought I'd be in Hawaii dealing with the same thing that happened to someone close to me at home. I didn't think dts would be a challenge for me and I was wrong. But God is so good. When I stepped back from all of my mixed emotions and actually listened to God and read the Bible, He showed me the good in each situation. I know I am here to support my friend who is going through this difficult time. I know I spent that whole day with them to bring comfort and support. I know I'm going to go through "heart surgery" because God wants to restore and refine those places in my heart that need it. I know I am experiencing spiritual warfare daily because Satan doesn't want me to be here since I'm getting incredible training and preparation for the front lines of the mission field. But, I choose to reflect on the fact that God is SO good. And I know that He is always with me and will help me through the challenging times.

My encouragement to you is this: The Christian walk with God is not easy. He never said it would be. It is often times very challenging. But it is so worth it. Even one second in His Presence changes everything. And in life, Jesus even said we'd face troubles. That's no different than a non-believer. The only difference is that we have God by our sides through it all helping us to overcome the difficulties we face in life. So, don't be discouraged if you are facing tough circumstances because God is so good. Turn to Him and press on. Read His Word for there is so much in it. We can stand on the Word of God knowing that when we cry out to Him, he hears us and answers us, He is helping us, and He is so good. And take time to step aside to hear from Him and let Him show you the good in the midst of your challenges.

As I said above, God's timing is perfect. I'm going to end with the devotional I had for the morning that God was giving me all of this revelation. It's from Sarah Young's Take My Heart Oh God.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE

"God can do everything, that's true, but if nothing bad happened in our lives, we might get the idea that we didn't need him...He lets life happen, and sometimes what we think is a burden is really a blessing." -Lori Copeland

We don't plan for trouble. It comes on its own, out of nowhere. A company downsizes and renders us jobless. An accident limits our activities. Grief or sorrow overwhelms us. So often our first response to trouble is to ask, "Why, God?" We explain to God all the reasons why this specific trouble isn't fair. We want God to make life easier. But if life were easy, perfect, with no problems, we would not be driven to our knees, bringing to him our dilemmas that only he can solve. He says, "My child, I am with you, aware of your trouble. I care about you. This trouble may have seemed to come from nowhere, but I've got it all under control." Never forget how much you need him. Only he can turn what you think is a burden into a blessing. Read Hebrews 10:22-23

A Blooming Flower

Ever since I returned from Ghana in August 2011, God has been speaking to me about being a blooming flower. It all started when He gave a word to someone at His Hands and Feet Christian Ministry for me. *Note: When I say God gave me a word, it means that someone asked God “What do you have to say to/about Katie and how can I encourage her?” They are written as if it is God speaking directly to you. Some of you have received a word from me. If you haven’t, hopefully you will sometime. I am expecting to grow in this prophetic gift during my time in YWAM. A word can be prophetic in that it is foretelling something that will happen, or it can simply be a piece of encouragement in the present. Anyways, in this case, the person didn’t ask for a word for me specifically but God knew I needed encouragement and so he chose to reveal to them that I needed a word and bless me by speaking through this person. The following is the word I received on 8/27/12.

Katie, you are a blooming flower & my sun & son shines upon your face. Keep looking to me for all the answers you seek. I see your heart, it is so tender and malleable. My hands are molding it & shaping it into what I want. Don’t let the cares of the world harden your heart. Your heart is always in my hands & I am always shaping it & molding it. Let the rain of my Holy Spirit drench you & fill you up. I want to fill you up with my love. You have your whole life to live before me. You will make plans but I will set the course of your life. Your roots go deep & long & they represent the people you will touch in your life. Masses of people will be touched by the beauty of your heart & love. Your life is an open book & I am writing the words in it. The words I write about you are so beautiful. Your smile is a glimpse of my light. Keep smiling & showing this light of mine to the world.  

The person who gave me this word from the Lord said that she particularly saw a daisy. After that, I purchased a personal size Bible with a daisy on it because it was so special to me and reminded me of this blooming flower. Since God said I was a blooming flower, I knew that I was growing at this time. After this I received a picture from a friend as a gift for my birthday. At this time, this friend and I barely knew each other. God has given her the gift of prophetic art. (She asks God for a picture for someone and then asks Him what it means) The picture she gave me is below.

When my friend gave me this prophetic art, she explained to me the process by which God gave her this picture and the word behind it. She began by saying that I am blooming flower. Then she said that she was going back and forth between whether she was going to make the flower yellow or red. She wanted to color it yellow, but God kept telling her to color it red. She said she believes that I see myself as a yellow flower. I see myself as bright, joyful, happy, etc. But God sees me as a red flower, filled with love. *This is important to remember when you read further!

And so, I began noticing flowers more often and looking at them completely differently than ever before. I noticed how they are connected to the vine and planted in the ground. I thought about how their roots are planted below and invisible to the eye. I noticed the beauty in flowers like never before. In a garden, some flowers are taller than others and some contain many flowers while others have very little. I also observed that some flowers are dead. I thought about how flowers need water and sunlight to survive. All this helped me connect the physical realm of flowers to the spiritual realm of how God sees me as a blooming flower. Here are some photos I took as I was walking the dogs one day.

After receiving all of the above, I continued to “bloom” spiritually. I asked God further about the words and pictures He had given me. He continued to speak to me about this over the last 8 months, however I do not have all of my journals in front of me J When I was at a Prophetic Teaching in Irvine, we did a prophetic exercise at our table and I was given more words. One friend saw an orange flower that was growing very fast. Fast forward to preparation for Israel trip at a team meeting. My friend who is prophetic artist encouraged each of us to ask God for a picture and to draw it. She left out drawing paper and colored pencils. God gave me a picture and I decided to attempt to draw what I saw when I got home. As I was walking home the kids from school that I was babysitting, I noticed a beautiful orange flower that looked similar to the picture God gave me so I also took a photo of that.

As I began to draw what I saw and ask God about it, he showed me His interpretation of my picture. The soil was brown with many roots. It was strong, firm, had a solid foundation, and deep roots. The stem was very long and tall. On the stem I wrote growing. The flower petals were orange and the center of the flower was black. (I think this is similar to a California Poppy) Then I saw the flower getting watered, but it wasn’t from the rain. That was part of it, but the main thing that stood out to me was a watering can above the flower. On the watering can I wrote my responsibility. And at the very top of my picture was the sun on the right and the clouds on the left. I believe God told me that I am a tall, bright orange flower that is still growing. My roots are strong, firm, secure, and deep. I am planted on a solid foundation of soil. It is my responsibility to water my flower. I know this seems strange, that I am the flower and also the watering can, but it makes sense. Spiritually speaking, I am responsible for the amount of growth that happens in my life. I am responsible for balancing the amount of sun (Word of God) and water (God’s presence) that pours onto me. I will grow more and at a faster pace when I am pouring both the Word of God and His Presence on me daily. If I choose not to be in God’s Word or Presence, I am the only one who can take the blame for feeling “dry” or letting the flower die or stop growing. I need an equal amount of God’s Word and His Presence or one will overpower the other. It is important to have both in order to grow. In the same way, a flower cannot have too much water or too much sun or it won’t be able to keep growing.

 And now for the grand finale…My trip to Israel and the big deal about the red and yellow flowers. J My friend who is the prophetic artist and gave me the picture for my birthday was also my roommate on this trip. She and I prayed together on the first night in our hotel. She received a picture of two flowers- one yellow and one red. She saw tulips. Then she saw a beaming light coming up from me straight to God. I was amazed at how much light was shining from me to God. After she saw the red and yellow flower, she saw a field of red and yellow flowers. It reminded me of the prophetic art she gave me back in October. No joke, when she finished praying and sharing this with me, I thought to myself “How cool would it be if we saw fields of red and yellow flowers everywhere in Israel on this trip?” I had no idea if we would see any…and then we were driving and she saw a pasture of yellow flowers with some red flowers in it as we were getting on a freeway. We thought I missed my exciting chance to see them, but we were wrong! They were everywhere! J I was so excited.

 For some reason, I’ve always wanted pictures laying in a field of flowers. And how cool that God gave me the opportunity to do so in Israel?!? So, here are some photos from our first day at Mount Carmel. The reason this was so special to me is because to me, it represented God’s love for me. I asked God about it and believe that the picture my friend had of me was God saying that He knows my heart and loves me no matter what. He loves me even when I mess up. He loves my heart. And, I also believe He was telling me that I’ve bloomed. And, now I get to enter into the season of spring which is symbolic of blessing. Not just blessing, but abundant blessing, hence the abundance of red and yellow flowers. I continued to see at least one red and yellow flower everyday throughout the rest of my time in Israel.

 

 After sharing this story with my team on the bus, one of them noted that the colors inside of our bus were red and yellow. One night we celebrated Chabot at a Jewish family’s house and on the table setting was candy in a little bag. One of the candy’s was a heart that was half red and half yellow. At the end of the night, I was collecting them from various team members and some were giving theirs to me. The next day, two sweet guys on my team, left me a container full of red and yellow candy hearts on my seat on the bus. Another time, a woman picked a red rose for me and gave it to me. God was just constantly showing me how much He loves me on this trip.

 

*Red and yellow tulips were located where the Garden Tomb was.

  









Since I’ve arrived in Hawaii for YWAM, the Lord has continued to show me the colors red and yellow, more specifically in the flowers. 

Island Breezers dancing with red and yellow props

A postcard!

A bracelet I bought myself to wear daily in honor of God's love for me. It through Threads of Hope

A Special THANKS to my Supporters...

Last night I was thinking about how blessed I am to be here in Kona, Hawaii and grow in my relationship with Jesus. I felt the need to make a shout out to those who are supporting me! Without you, I wouldn't be able to be here right now. It is such a blessing to be here. Beyond words. I am doing what I love and I get to do it in paradise, literally. And every time that I enter into the Presence of God I am reminded of this very thing and I am so thankful for each of you who have given, are giving, have prayed, and are praying for me. I can't thank you enough.

This is what I get to do in preparation for the tough stuff.


The video below is of my new favorite song "I've got the joy, I've got the joy, I've got the joy"

Below is worship from the Prayer Room, which will be my Monday nights from 6:30-8:30pm

I get to enjoy God's beauty

Paradise.

I made some new friends

I love my roommates- here is 4 out of 8 :)

I get to KNOW GOD...

...and MAKE HIM KNOWN

So, to all those who have given to me, who have encouraged me, who have supported me, THANK YOU for everything. It is YOU who enables me to experience God in such a beautiful way this season. It is YOU who enables me to do what I love 24/7 in paradise. It is YOU who has kept me following God's lead and answering the call. Without YOU and your support, I wouldn't be here in Kona today.

I can't express to you enough how amazing it is. Every day I am here I can't help but thank God and reflect on how blessed I am. It is only day 2 of class and day 5 that I've been here and it gets better every single day. I have amazing roommates. A beautiful view. Amazing leaders. Amazing teachers. Everything is overall amazing. And I get to experience it all because of YOU. I love each of you so much.

My new adventure has begun!

My new adventure with Jesus has begun! I made it to Kona, Hawii last Friday afternoon. It is Monday night and it has been an amazing weekend. I can't believe I haven't even been here for one week. It feels like so much longer. I have been blessed beyond belief with amazing roommates, a beautiful view, and lots of refreshing restful time with the Lord.

Check out my updates on my journey in YWAM at www.katieslifeasamissionary.wordpress.com That is the best place to catch my updates on my journey as a Missionary. I created it for those who are supporting me as a Missionary so they don't have to read my long extensive blogs on this site ;)

A New Adventure with God...YWAM

 

I am excited to share with you that God is leading me on a New Adventure with Him...this time to Kona, Hawaii and then out into the nations. I spent an entire weekend seeking the Lord about this decision to even apply to YWAM (Youth With A Mission). I didn't even share it with many people because I wanted to hear from God alone and be confident that this is the way He was leading me. All weekend, God constantly said "go" and affirmed it in many ways. It was a Tuesday that I stepped out in faith and completed my application to YWAM Kona base, Fire & Fragrance DTS (Discipleship Training School) for the April Quarter. On Thursday I received a call from one of the leaders in YWAM and she asked me some questions and prayed for me. Literally not even five minutes later, I received a letter of acceptance in my email! I was amazed at how quickly this process went for me, and then God reminded me of something...I asked Him to make the process quick so that I could begin fundraising with a little over two months until departure and finances are due. God is SO faithful to hear us and answer our prayers.

I understand many will think I'm crazy, and that's ok. I'm crazy about God and I am so excited to be used by Him to let His faithfulness and provision shine through this. And, I trust Him. I've learned that trusting Him is so much better than worrying. Trust is restful. Worry causes anxiety. God provided the finances for me to go to Ghana when I had no job and no money. In fact, He provided more than I needed. And, that is also because I believed He would as I meditated on Ephesians 3:20 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." The scripture God gave me for this new adventure is Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Many of you might be wondering, what is YWAM and how did I come about this decision? Good question! YWAM is a school that equips people to pursue their calling. The way it works is there is a Discipleship Training School (DTS) that has bases (schools) all around the world. The DTS is a 12-week lecture phase and mine will be located at the Kona, Hawaii base. It costs $3,995.00. There are specific DTS's within YWAM and the one I will be attending is called Fire & Fragrance. This DTS is designed to raise up students and release them into the nations of the earth to partner with and plant communities prioritizing worship and intercession and allowing it to flow into outreach fueled by the power of God. Something that caught my attention from this school is the following sentence: The presence of God is the source of all strategy and the power that releases effective outreach. God is searching for a generation that would give themselves whole heartedly to the place of intimate communion, zealous passion, and faith filled obedience. That's totally my heart!!! Fire & Fragrance teaches more specifically on the character and nature of God, hearing the voice of God, how to know and communicate God's Word effectively, Biblical world view, Intercession and spiritual warfare, Worship and prayer, Restoration of the heart and mind, Fellowship with the Holy Spirit, The Power of the Holy Spirit, Revival and reformation, and Missions and evangelism. Following the Lecture phase is Outreach. Within the first two weeks of school, I will find out where I will be doing my Outreach portion of YWAM. The Outreach is 9-weeks missions work, putting into practice what you have learned from the lecture phase. This costs an additional $5,000-$6,000 depending on which country I travel to.To my understanding, students are given a list of countries that their DTS will be going to and through prayer each student goes where God directs them to go.

So, how did my decision to go to YWAM come about?
First, I heard about YWAM a long time ago, before being so interested in missions work. It was always in the back of my mind and I thought about going someday. But, I didn't know when I could fit it into my life. There are so many places I want to go and things I want to do. Secondly, my sister bought me my first book on my Christmas present, a Kindle Fire, that is written by the Founders of YWAM. It's called "Is That Really You, God?" It got me thinking about YWAM more as I read about the story of how the organization came about. Thirdly, I have a friend who recently moved to Kona, HI to be on staff with YWAM as a leader. She has already done DTS once herself and been on staff once as well, so I knew something must be good if it's drawing her back. Talking with her about her journey since she left in January got me thinking about it even more. And so, I started looking into what YWAM is about and looking at the various DTS's they offer starting in April. The Fire & Fragrance one really stood out to me. It was then that I decided to take this idea to God. *During this time, I was doing the Daniel Fast (eating very limited foods- mostly fruits and veggies, nuts, no dairy, no meat, no bread-sorta like vegan, only drinking water and smoothies for liquids) I believe God honored my fast by speaking to me and bringing about this blessing without me even really knowing it was a desire on my heart. I even asked God specifically one night for a dream to make it extremely clear to me what to do and the dream was that I was in Hawaii sitting on a hill looking down on a beautiful sunset. Another part of the dream, someone I trust was speaking prophetically to me and telling me I need to go to Hawaii. She had no idea I was seeking God about this decision.

Since applying for YWAM and getting accepted, it has been quite a journey. I've gone through the ups and downs of life. I've recevied many blessings financially and I've had time periods where no money was coming in and I was discouraged. I had friends question whether or not this was God's will for me. And I experienced a ton of spiritual attack. Despite all of this, I can look back and see that every single piece is part of the process of preparing me to become a Missionary. The lack of funds tested my faith because it made me learn to trust God to provide because He is a good God and "Where He guides, He provides". I had to stand on His word and the Word of God even though there was no evidence that God was providing at this point. (But isn't that faith- living by faith and not by sight?) I knew that God confirmed my decision to go when one person gave a "seed offering" to me and invested immediately when I informed her of this new adventure I was taking with God. My Spirit knew God would provide but my flesh was weak and felt discouraged even to the point of questioning whether or not I heard correctly from God. After this testing period, I restored my trust in God and He began faithfully providing as He said He would. Two women that I didn't give letters to donated online! Checks were slowly coming in the mail and my mentors and their non-profit Christian organization began donating large amounts.

As of now, I have raised a total of $2,506.00!! Praise God. This means I still need $1,489.00 for the Lecture Phase, due in exactly one month, on April 5th. I can't wait to see how God will provide this money. Then I will still need the additional $5-6,000.00 for outreach. Talk about walking by faith! But, I know God is able and I trust Him and I can't wait to share the amazing testimony of how He provides. I find it interesting that each Missions Trip I have been on has increased the amount of time that I have been gone. First, 2 weeks. Second, 5 weeks. Third, 9 weeks (outreach) but 21 weeks total. I'm super excited for what God has in store for me and how He is going to use me in YWAM. Stay tuned for more blogs and updates as I continue pursuing Him, not him.

A special thanks to those of you who have supported me in all of this! I couldn't pursue my calling or go where God leads me without having your financial and prayer support! YOU mean so much to me! Seriously! I can't thank you enough.

For more information on Fire & Fragrance Kona DTS that I will be attending visit this link:

http://uofnkona.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=623&Itemid=748&lang=en

If you'd like to donate online to my trip to YWAM please visit the following site. Donations are tax-deductible! :)

www.supportkatie.myevent.com

RUN.

"Never, Never, Never Quit." Winston Churchill

I keep feeling the Holy Spirit nudge me to go for a run. I hate running and I always have. It's hard and it's not fun. But, I've been complaining to God about how I feel crappy and He keeps reminding me of the obvious- I feel this way because I am not eating healthy and I am not exercising. Of course I am not feeling great because I'm not taking care of my body. God's Word teaches about this exact thing."Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I am clearly not honoring God with my body when I am eating nothing but sugar and I am not putting in the effort to exercise. No wonder I have felt crappy!

"The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't." Henry Ward Beecher

Another reason I believe God is telling me to run is so that I can relate it to my life spiritually and my relationship with Him. The scripture that comes to mind is Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Some days it is easier than others to run the race with perseverance. Some days it's really hard and I feel as though I can't even pick up my feet. On these days, I think of Finding Nemo where they say "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" and I tell myself "Just keep running, just keep running". :)  But what I discovered yesterday is that I was able to run the race (physically go on a long run) and it wasn't hard at all. I started to question why it wasn't hard and ask God to speak to me. He revealed to me that my physical run yesterday was easy because I was focused on Him and relying on Him to help me complete the run. I wasn't looking to the finish line or feeling as though I wasn't going to make it. Instead, I was simply putting one foot in front of the other. This made me think about the spiritual parallel. Some days it is easy to run the race with perseverance that God has marked out for me. Other days I feel like I'm falling apart and I can't even move. I don't even want to continue running. I have no desire to persevere. In both cases, God is faithful to help me. The days that are hard and I feel like giving up, He gives me the strength to endure and press on, no matter how short of a distance I go that day, He is still there by my side. The days that are easy, I realize that I am fixing my eyes on Him and thankful He is helping me. Another thing I thought about is that in my weakness He is strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says "for my power is made perfect in weakness." This was Jesus speaking to His people. Running is a weakness of mine, but yesterday God's power was made perfect in my weakness when I was able to run farther than normal and complete the run with perseverance. God showed me that when I am weak, I can pull from His strength and my weakness will shine.

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something that this thing must be attained." Marie Curie

The study notes from my Bible said the following about the Hebrews verse:
Long distance runners work hard to build endurance and strength. On race day, their clothes are lightweight and their bodies lean. To run the race that God has set before us, we must also strip off the excess weight that slows us down. How can we do that? (1) Choose friends who are also committed to the race. Wrong friends will have values and activities that may deter you from the course. Much of your own weight may result from the crowd you run with. Make wise choices. (2) Drop certain activities. That is, for you at this time, these may be weight. Try dropping them for a while; then check the results in your life. (3) Get help for addictions that disable you. If you have a secret "weight" such as pornography, gambling, or alcohol, admit your need and get help today.

Another point God has been making to me when I do go for a run is that exercising builds and strengthens my physical muscles. Therefore, when I'm not running, I'm not building and strengthening my physical muscles. The Lord was bringing to my attention that it is easier for me to run the race with perseverance spiritually rather than physically. I don't mind stepping out in faith and I love growing in my walk with God, so I willingly run. (most of the time...see previous blog on endurance...it's not always easy to run spiritually) He showed me that I exercise my faith muscles often, but I rarely exercise my physical muscles. This is another reason why I have decided to run and asked God to help me stick to this whole physical running thing. :)

God also reminded me while I was running of a word a friend of mine gave me before I went to Ghana. It said "Don't look up from where God has you" This spoke to me because it reminded me that right now, I'm exactly where God wants me to be. I'm learning what He wants me to learn. I'm growing. I'm being stretched. I'm blessed. I'm me. And, I must embrace it and not look up from where God has me, because I won't ever be able to go back to today or this season that God has me in. I need to enjoy every single moment.

So, I encourage you today. If you are a believer, run the race God has set before YOU. And remember, your race won't be the same as your neighbors. Your race won't be the same as your mom or dad's. Your race won't be the same as your best friend's. Your race won't be the same as anybody else because your race is your race. God has a unique purpose for your life and it won't be like anybody else so don't focus on his or her race or even what you think your race should be. Don't even compare the pace that others are running because I believe that, too, can distract you from running your race. Your job is to evaluate the path you are on with God, and assess whether or not you are running the race with perseverance that He has marked out for YOU. It is your job to take one step after the other. It is your job to run even when it is hard. And I encourage you to Never Give Up. I got this thing (see picture below) when I finished my teaching credentials and graduated from College because it reminded me of how I never gave up. God was my helper and I was able to receive what I needed to teach because of my perseverance and reliance on God.



"We are made to persist. That's how we find out who we are." Tobias Woloff

Endure Hardship

This past week has been one of the roughest weeks of my life. The Lord keeps bringing to mind this whole idea of enduring hardship. To be honest, I am very blessed. Sure, I've had struggles in my life before and my family isn't perfect, but last week was the first time in my life that I was truly undergoing hardship. I want to share with you some things that Lord has taught me as I've learned to endure hardship. 

The teacher in me likes to look up the definitions of things and it also helps me, too. I found these definitions from the back of my Bible in the concordance.

Endure: the ability to withstand hardship or adversity; to carry on despite suffering

Hardship: difficult or tough experiences

"But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." 2 Timothy 4:5

"Endure hardship, as discipline; God is treating you as his children...No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces are harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:7, 11

In the past, I've gone through various hardships, but it's been nothing like this past week. Have you heard the saying "When it rains, it pours"? It has been like that for me. One thing after another. I was feeling very discouraged, upset, and angry. Even praying seemed to take a lot of effort so I didn't do it very often. Instead, I cried, talked through things with others, and reached out for prayer. One moment I was strong and the next I was falling apart. I woke up wondering how I was going to even make it through the day. (By God's grace and supernatural strength, I made it through the entire week)

*Listen to "Never Let Go" by David Crowder Band (youtube video wasn't uploading)

Without going into too much detail, I will share a little bit about what I was going through that felt so overwhelming. Keep in mind, each of us are different, so what I feel is overwhelming, you may think that's nothing or question my hardships, but for me, what I'm about to share has truly been difficult for me. I experienced opposition about my decision to go to YWAM in April. This has happened a couple of times and I know that I know that I know that I'm supposed to go because I heard very clearly from God, but it's been difficult hearing from others, even those that I'm close to, that maybe this isn't God's will for me. (It all worked out for the good- Romans 8:28, don't worry) I've been lacking the funds I need in order to go to YWAM in April. This has been a test of my faith because I know God said go, yet the evidence of my finances is questioning that. However, we live by faith, not by sight, and God is faithful, so I know He will provide. In His timing, however He chooses, which most likely won't be the way in which I thought the funds would come in. *Read more about this in a future blog about YWAM. God has called me to be a Missionary, which means I'll be asking for money and living off of other people's support financially. This has been a challenge to accept because if you know me, you know I feel bad really easily and I feel bad constantly asking people for financial support. *Further details in a blog about YWAM or It's All Part of the Process. There is a personal thing going on in my family that is taking a toll on the entire family. This is difficult and bad timing as I've got plenty of other things on my plate (at least it felt that way earlier this week) and it's not an easy thing to be going through.

Through all of this hardship and a really rough week, God has taught me many different things that I hope you can take with you as you do your best to endure hardship. I've learned that when hardship comes, I must endure it. I spent a majority of the week not enduring these hardships and I got nowhere but down in the dumps. I was tired of just trying to make it through the day and feeling so discouraged. And in addition to that, I was bringing others down with me. It felt like a pity party. I've also learned that I turn to others instead of Him. One time a friend of mine expressed something to me about how I have so many mentors. The Lord has truly blessed me with amazing women of God and mentors, and I love each of them so much, but this can also be a weakness. Having lots of mentors hasn't always been a plus for me. It has meant that I always have someone to text or call, and if one person isn't available, most likely the other person is available. I've always had someone to lean on and call upon for encouragement and support. However, more often than not, I turn to these people and not to God. My friend, on the other hand, only has had God to turn to, therefore it is evident in her solid relationship with Him as she doesn't rely on others but on God. Thankfully, God is teaching me this right now. He has also told me that what others have to offer me won't satisfy what I'm looking for because only He can offer what I need the most. When I rely on Him rather than others to help me endure hardship and give me what I need, I am stronger. What He offers me is so much greater than what anyone else can give. (Don't get me wrong- asking for prayer is important, but this is different because I'm referring to a continual reliance on others for prayer rather than simply praying yourself) An ex-boyfriend of mine said something similar to that. He didn't like to pray for someone else if he knew they weren't praying for themselves. In other words, the person needing the prayer must be praying alongside the people who are praying for him/her. The Lord showed me that I've been that person- reaching out for prayer and expecting to get better, but the whole time I wasn't putting in the effort and doing my part to pray. I wasn't connected to the vine so I wasn't bearing any fruit. (See John 15) I wasn't praying or reading my Bible (two disciplines that keep me connected to the vine) and it was evident in my life. The Lord also told me to Strengthen myself in the Lord. He reminded me that I can't always rely on others to lift me up, but I must strengthen myself in Him so that I am strong and able to endure hardship. Lastly, God showed me that I am not the only one who is experiencing hardship in their lives. This knowledge helped me take the eyes off of myself and the pity party and put my eyes on Him. I realized that it's not all about me and life does have to go on. Therefore, I must pick up my head and hold on through the hardship. God told me that this probably won't be the only time that I will need to endure hardship. And next time it might be worse. But take heart, because He has overcome the world and He is with me. I am not alone.

*Listen to the song "You Carry Me to the Cross" by Kutless (youtube videos weren't uploading)

So, you might be wondering, how did I get to a place in the midst of all this hardship to hear from God and be encouraged in all of this. Well, I remained attentive to God's voice and recognized that I didn't want to continue walking in discouragement. On Thursday morning (it took me at least a few days to get to this place), I woke up early to spend time with God. He spoke so clearly to me and really encouraged me through His Word. I also continued throughout the week, to meditate on the following scriptures, even when I didn't feel like it. Instead of worrying, I'd say the scripture in my head and be encouraged knowing that God's heart for me is good things.

"For we are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and self-controlled. Your enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:6-11

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance,;perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-4

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul." Hebrews 6:19

*Listen to "My Hope is in You" by Aaron Shust

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:22-23

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

"And without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Hebrews 11:6
*Listen to the song "Stronger" by Mandisa
Another thing that helped me was something that my mentor said. She said that I may move past this feeling of being overwhelmed, but it may come back. But, if I do feel overwhelmed again, I need to keep on keepin' on. (This was on Sunday, prior to the family situation so it definitely got more overwhelming) She also told me that because I have 5 weeks until I leave for Israel, then I'm gone for 2 weeks, come back for 1 week, and leave to Hawaii for 6 months, I need to be very intentional and purposeful with my time and fundraising in the next five weeks. I need to know that I can't do everything, but to do what I can do. On Saturday night at His Hands and Feet Christian Ministry (HHFCM), I was given a word from someone that said patience but action. I learned that I can wait on the Lord and still take action. A person on staff with YWAM that I spoke with on Monday said the founder of the organization, Loren Cunningham, always says, "We believe God for the impossible and we do the possible". This definitely went right along with what I was learning in regards to trusting in the Lord for finances for YWAM. And it also tied in with the fact that I am responsible for doing my part. And so, I continue to endure hardship, but I do so with the joy of the Lord as He has taught me so many great lessons through this all that I can carry on through the rest of my life.


"You can't change your circumstances, but you can change in the midst of your circumstances."