Homesick.

It’s been a little over two weeks now that I have been in Ghana and not a day goes by that I am missing home. Just to be honest. Living here is much harder than I thought.  In fact, the challenges that I wrote on my prayer list have not been as challenging as I thought they would be. (Maybe that is because I have all you faithful prayer warriors praying for me) But, what I find the most challenging is being far from friends and family and being “alone”. I never would have thought that the biggest hindrance for me during my trip to Africa would be homesickness.

I remember back to when I was home preparing for this trip and everything was coming together. The finances, the encouragement, the scriptures, the prophetic words…there was no question that God’s will for me was for me to come to Ghana and stay for an extended time after my team headed home. And, now that I am here, I am experiencing tremendous amounts of warfare and daily wondering what I am doing here. I left home calling myself Davida, a woman after God’s heart.

It’s pretty amazing how challenging it is to literally live by faith. I came to Ghana solely because God told me to go. I said yes to His calling. Sure, I love kids. Sure, I love Africa. Sure, I love serving God. But, the main reason I came to Ghana was because God told me to go and I was being obedient to Him. It seemed easy to say yes especially because everything fell into place. Little did I know what I was in for after my team left- loneliness, lack of passion for Africa, desire to be home, and questioning what my role is in staying for two months.

It took me some time but I finally realized that I cannot do this on my own and I need God’s help to make it through each and every day that I am here in Ghana. I learned that in order to do so, I must spend time listening to worship music, journaling, praying, and reading my Bible. Just as these are spiritual disciplines at home, they are the same here too. I noticed a change in my attitude and day when I chose to put God first in the morning.

I also learned that even though I am remaining connected to God, there is still a spiritual battle going on that I am entangled in. Spiritual warfare is something that I read about prior to coming and even experienced at home. However, I am on the frontline of the battlefield out here right now. Satan is not happy that I am here and he is doing everything in his power to remove me from completing God’s purpose for me here in Ghana.

Today I experienced the worst of this spiritual warfare. I became incredibly homesick, the most yet. I was ready for my mom to change my flight so that I could come home on Sunday.  I texted most people that I knew were praying for me and asked for prayer. I talked to a few people from the states and received encouragement and support. I finally let out a cry.

The things that I was sharing with these people that were on my mind were as follows. I felt as though I have not been myself here. I put on a fake smile and try to be joyful everyday. I don’t have the same passion for Africa and the people here like I did before I came and when the team was here. I was discouraged about many things. The culture is so different- lots of waiting time and no rush, most of the time entails being late. The children beat/hit each other often and I don’t know how to stop it. The teachers even sometimes beat the children. Apparently it is called “caning” because they use a cane to hit the children. Isn’t that abuse? I was battling today thinking there is no way I can change this part of the culture. I tried telling a child not to hit/fight and he didn’t listen. I told him a few times. Also, the teachers don’t even watch the kids during break. They take a break, too and let the kids play and do whatever on school grounds. Children here do many things independently, even walking on the side of the road with cars passing at fast speeds is not something you see in America. I tried teaching today and the kids were not so into what I was teaching them and I gave up. I do not know what I am doing here and if I am feeling miserable and being fake, what good is that doing me and anybody else?

My friends responses were either stick it out and give it more time, or don’t worry about other people’s responses if you come home early as long as you hear God’s voice and He gives you permission. My phone eventually died and all I had ahead of me was a four hour “tro tro” ride in a van from Prampram to Kpando with my friend Grace. That was plenty of time to pray and reflect on everything. As we were traveling, I felt something change. It must have been the prayers from people because I felt at peace. I thought to myself I will stay for one more month because that is meeting in the middle and I won’t be giving up if I do that. I asked God to make it more clear to me, to speak to me as we travel back.

In Ghana, there are stores and places that contain names with God in them or religious of some sort. They are literally everywhere so I asked God to reveal some to me that pertained to my situation. Sure enough, He did. Here are the ones that I saw while we were driving that stood out to me the most. GOD FIRST. PRAYER IS THE KEY. JUST SMILE. NOT I, BUT CHRIST. PSALM 39. At this point, it was pretty clear to me. I need to keep putting God first. Prayer is the key to living an abundant life here in Ghana. My purpose is simply to just smile. I am not here because I “want” to be here, but because of Christ choosing me. 

Here are some other encouraging words that I’ve received recently from people that pertain to all of the above.

In a card from a friend at home: Remember that God has already gone before you and prepared the path, all you have to do is PRAYERfully take ONE STEP forward at a time, and He will do the rest.

A word from a friend before I left: Don’t look up from where God has you. Don’t ever give the storms a second look. The waters will never overcome you. Isaiah 43:1-3 and Luke 10:19

Jesus Calling Devotional: Discipline your thoughts to trust Me as I work My ways in your life. Pray about everything; then leave outcomes up to Me. Do not fear My will, for through it I accomplish what is best for you.

From a friend’s bookmark, in an email: GOD IS WITH YOU. Although each day brings challenges and things that are unknown, you don’t need to face them alone. For others care about you and will keep you close in prayer. And, above all, God will guide you- for His love is always there. – Emily Matthews

DON’T QUIT. When things go wrong as they sometimes will. When the road your trudging on seems all uphill. When the funds are low, and the debts are high. And you want to smile but you have to sigh. When care is pressing down a bit, Rest if you must, but don’t you quit. Life is strange with its twists and turns. As everyone of us sometimes learns And many a failure turns about when he migt have won had he stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed with another blow. Success is failure turned upside down, the silver tint of the clouds of doubt. And you can never tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far. So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit. It’s when things seem the worst, that you must not quit.

From the travel agent, whom I don’t know very well: The Lord showed me a basket of pomegranates…and as the basket was emptied, the fruit continued to flow…it was an “abundance” that came to mind…and then, I thought of the fruit and its many seeds…and it was then that I thought of how one fruit can multiply into many trees and I saw trees for as far away as the eye could see and they were full of fruit, and the sun shining brightly upon them. *I think this speaks to your own relationship with the Lord, the fruit of your labor, and the riches of His grace. Jesus says you can do nothing apart from Me, but in Him, you are filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. He is calling you to a place of deeper intimacy and reliance on Him. You don’t have to “do” anything, but be a conduit of His love. I see a revelation of His grace that will bear much fruit.

Devotional from a friend: Paul learned that the only way to experience God’s power is in our weakness. If we think we can do something on our own, God lets us, that we will never know God’s transforming power in our lives until we acknowledge our inability.

Songs at church the kids were singing: Through it all, I have learned to trust in Jesus. Through it all, I have learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all, I have learned to depend on His word.

All that being said, I have decided to stay one more month. My mom is looking into changing the flight so that I can leave Ghana July 25^th instead of August 24^th.  Becka has challenged me to not use the internet or my phone for three days. She said that probably has to do with my homesickness. So, if you email me, text me, or call me within the next few days, I apologize in advance for not responding. I think this will be good for me so that I can fully immerse myself in the culture and what God has for me here in Ghana. Whenever I pray, I also recognize that I may not know God’s purpose for me here in Ghana ever or this time around. Please continue to pray for me as I enter into this daily battle. Miss you and love you dearly and I really appreciate your prayers and support.