I Will Follow You.

Follow: to pursue or go after; to imitate or strive for


The word follow kept coming to my mind last night. I thought about the song titled "I Will Follow" by Chris Tomlin. (see video above) When you listen to this song and hear the lyrics, it speaks for itself. I believe God is teaching me right now what it truly means to follow Him. My biggest desires are to follow God, encourage others who are following God, and bring others to know God and follow Him. I love how the definition (found in the concordance in the back of my Bible) uses the word pursue in it. Pursuing Him is what I believe life is all about, which is why I chose that as the title for my blog.

Over the past six months or so, I've seen this pursuit of Him in a new way. I'm learning that following Him takes complete surrender. Dictionary.com (yes, I'm that lame and use this to find definitions) states that surrender means "to give (oneself) up; to give up, abandon, or relinquish." I'm learning that as I Pursue Him daily, I need to let go of control- to surrender my life to God. I have a sticker on my car that says "Let Go Let God" and I bought it because I always joke with my girlfriends about this idea of letting go and letting God. It sounds so simple, yet it can be so difficult at times. I'm finally learning what it truly means to let go and let God, to surrender. (see video below of Jesus Culture- I surrender)

Another thing I've learned as God is revealing to me what it truly means to follow Him is that it won't be easy. The Bible says "In this world you will have trouble." John 16:3 Not too much further it states in John 16:33 "But take heart! I have overcome the world". With this knowledge, we will experience trouble, but we can walk confidently knowing God is with us in the troubles and will help us overcome them. We also know that blessings and the fruits of the Spirit will abound in us when we follow Him. We are also promised an eternity in Heaven with Jesus Christ.

I have been praying about church and seeking God's guidance recently like never before in my life. I can firmly believe that I'm where God wants me to be right now because through my pursuit of Him, He's confirmed that to me in many ways. God is clearly calling me to follow Him, which entails leaving behind relationships and a church that I've been attending for the past 3 1/2 years. He's leading me into something new that is slowly coming together. I'm a very relational person (as most of you know) so this transitional period has not been easy. As I've pursued Him through this transition and change, I can look back and see how by following Him, I was able to truly surrender. I experience a new sense of overwhelming peace because of my obedience to Him despite the challenges in change.

(Video above - Where You Go I Go by Kim Walker from Jesus Culture that pertains to all this and is one of my favorites)

 

Yesterday I visited the church I went to for about 3 1/2 years. God used a couple of people to speak to me and encourage me as I follow Him in a new way. One person shared with me that when we truly surrender our life to God, it is then that He reveals to us what He created us to do. It is then that He begins to unravel His big plans for us. This is right on target with where I'm at. God called me to stop serving in my church, led me to a new church, told me to stop going to my Monday Night Women's Bible Study and to get connected with those at the church I am now attending. All of these decisions took time, faith, and much convincing to myself, but after being obedient to Him, I'm now experiencing the incredible peace and blessings that come with following Him. *Please note- When I say follow Him, I know this will look different for each of us. God has a different plan for each of us, so I don't expect you to follow Him in the same way that He's leading me, but I do pray that you are choosing to follow Him and seeking His will for your life.

For all you Movement peeps: Thank you for all that you have shown me and taught me. Thank you for encouraging me and growing me in my walk with God. Thank you for all your support and love. I'm so blessed to have known each and every one of you, and I hope that we can continue to keep in touch. Without each of you, I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I wouldn't have persevered on the path to teaching with all those tests. Something cool that happened yesterday when I was visiting was God gave me an opportunity to talk to the Pastor of the church I'd been attending. I had the opportunity to encourage him in the things God has for them and express my sadness in leaving. I think God knew I needed this moment with the pastor to help bring closure. It all started for me at that church (The Movement) and that is where I found God and truly came to know Him. It was then that I understood and began to grow so much in my faith. It was neat to see God growing their church, having them step out in new areas (giving to Missions, which in turn is a blessing and excitement for me to see), and continue to follow God's will for this church. The pastor told me they'd miss me, said I can come back and visit anytime, and gave me a hug. I firmly believe He is doing a great job leading that church, and admire the leaders there. I will highly recommend people to go there if they are church hunting. I'm thankful God gave me this new sense of peace that I'm headed where He's calling me into and I left on a good note, with the blessing of the pastor and his wife. (Thank you, Jeremy and Sunny! And all the leaders there who helped shape me into who God created me to be)

Since I've been Pursuing Him, I can see God's hand in everything. I prayed before student teaching began and I know that God placed me right where He's purposed me to be. Again, I'm blessed with a wonderful Master Teacher to learn from and I'm at an excellent school in a great School District. I'm now at a church that is the best fit for me in order to grow in my faith and move ahead in National Missions. I'm getting connected with the Young Adults and making new friends as time goes on. I'm going to Africa this summer and wondering if God will keep me there longer than two weeks. (If I do not have a job lined up, maybe He wants me to teach or work at the orphanage in Ghana) Or, maybe He just wants me to be open to that as an option.

I looked at Biblical examples of how people followed God. (Red writing is Jesus speaking in the Bible)

The first example is in Matthew 4:18-20. "As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come, follow me.' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed him." They knew what kind of man Jesus was and were willing to follow him. Jesus told them to leave their fishing business and become 'fishers of men', to help others find God. Jesus was calling them away from their productive trades to be productive spiritually. Jesus' call motivated these men to get up and leave their jobs- immediately. They didn't make excuses about why it wasn't a good time. They left once and followed. (taken from Study notes)

The second example is found in Matthew 8:19-20. This example is about how there is a cost to following Him. "When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. Then the teacher of the law came to him and said 'Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.' Jesus replied, 'Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' Another disciple said to him, ' Lord, first let me go and bury my father.' But Jesus told him, 'Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.' " Study Notes: Following Jesus is not always easy or comfortable. Often it means great cost and sacrifice, with no earthly rewards or security. Jesus didn't have a place to call home. You may find that following Christ costs you popularity, friendships, leisure time, or treasured habits. But while the cost of following Christ is high, the value of being Christ's disciple is even higher. Discipleship is an investment that lasts for eternity and yields incredible rewards. *A friend and I were just talking about this today. She mentioned that we follow with a purpose in mind. Our purpose as Christians is to be trained to become a disciple of Jesus Christ. It takes discipline to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. We have to die to our flesh/self because naturally we want things that aren't of the Lord. This leads me right into the next example in scripture.  


Matthew 16:24-25 states: "Then Jesus said to the disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.' " Study Notes: When Jesus used this picture of his followers taking up their crosses to follow him, the disciples knew what he meant. Crucifixion was a common Roman method of execution, and condemned criminals had to carry their crosses through the streets to the execution site. Following Jesus, therefore, meant a true commitment, the risk of death, and no turning back. The possibility of losing their lives was very real for the disciples as well as Jesus. Real discipleship implies real commitment- pledging our whole existence to his service. If we try to save our physical life from death, pain, or discomfort, we may risk losing our true eternal life. If we protect ourselves from pain, we begin to die spiritually and emotionally. Our lives turn inward, and we lose our intended purpose. When we give our lives in service to Christ, however, we discover the real purpose of living.


The last scripture is about how we are called to walk in light when we follow Him. John 8:12 states: "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.' " Study Notes: Jesus was speaking in the treasury- the part of the temple where offerings were put and where candles burned to symbolize the pillar of fire that led the people of Israel through the desert. (Exodus 13:21, 22) In this context, Jesus called himself the light of the world. The pillar of fire represented God's presence, protection, and guidance. Likewise, Jesus brings God's presence, protection, and guidance. Is he the light of your world? What does it mean to follow Christ? As a soldier follows his captain, so we should follow Christ, our commander. As a slave follows his master, so we should follow Christ, our Lord. As we follow the advice of a trusted counselor, so we should follow Jesus' commands to us in scripture. As we follow the laws of our nation, so we should follow the laws of the kingdom of heaven.


So, I leave asking you, are you following Him? Do you want to follow Him? Be prepared as it is going to take sacrifice and letting go of your control. Get ready to experience immense blessings and eternal life if you choose to follow Him. Start today by Pursuing Him and asking what His will for you is. I challenge you to pick up your cross and follow Him.


I conclude with a song titled "Let the Waters Rise" by MikesChair. This is my new theme song for life right now. Check it out below. :)

Valentine's Day Devotional

Hi friends,

Here is a devotional I read this morning from Daily Disciples Ministry. I wanted to share it with you because it seemed like a great way to sum up today.

Today's Reading: Leviticus 15-16; Matthew 27:1-26
Today's Thoughts:  As Christ Loves Us

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Valentine's Day is celebrated as a day to express love and most notably, romantic love. The history of Valentine's Day, along with the saint for whom it is named, is shrouded in mystery. Both Christian and ancient Roman traditions make up its origins, but the exact details of what happened to St. Valentine are uncertain.  What is certain is that through a series of events dating back to the middle ages, February 14 became the date to commemorate Valentine's Day. Roses and chocolates will be sold at exorbitant prices and in massive quantities, all in hopes to express our love in that special way. What is the most special way to express our love?

The thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians is known as the love chapter of the Bible. The apostle Paul writes about true love, what it is and what it is not. It "suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;" (verse 4). It "does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;" (verse 5). Paul puts it very simply in verse 8, "Love never fails." Flowers fade and candies melt, but true love never fades, never dies, never fails. The most special way to express our love is to practice these qualities Paul speaks of as we learn to love beyond ourselves. 

Romantic love is a wonderful feeling and being in love is truly a gift from God. Those feelings of heightened joy and excitement seem to make everything else less significant.  But today, let's ask the Lord to help us love beyond the feelings of the gifts and the favors. Let's pray that we can love as Christ loves us and that we can express that love in ways that bless those around us more than anything else we can give. Why not make today a day to take love more seriously than you ever have before? Pray that love becomes the motivation for all that you do. Enjoy the flowers and candies and candlelight dinners, but remember to keep love in your heart, not just in the festivities

Happy Valentine's Day! Know that you are loved by God and by me! :)

Romans 8:28

Romans 8:28 says: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

This week, God reminded me of this scripture. So often, I hear it, but don't acknowledge the truth in it. I encourage you to really stop and think about this verse today as you pursue Him. What areas of your life is is hard to see God working things together for your good in? Reflect on times in the past that you've clearly seen him work things together for your good. Ask Him to help you see His hand in everything that you are going through, and trust Him to work all things together for your good.

Here are some of the things I've briefly reflected on that I've seen God work together for my good.

Student Teaching:
I prayed prior to my student teaching placement that God would place me where He would want me to be. I hoped to be placed in Poway Unified School District because it is one of the top districts, and I grew up in it. I prayed though, that His will be done, not mine. In doing so, I found out that I was placed in Solana Beach Unified School District. This, too, is a wonderful school district. It truly is a blessing! I even have a phenomenal Master Teacher/Cooperating Teacher, which is a blessing after hearing horror stories from other friends. God worked this Student Teaching placement together for my good. I don't know what the future holds, but what I do know is this school and district is great, and God has me there for some purpose. I would love to work in the Solana Beach School District if God opened that door for me. In the meantime, I'm just simply being myself and enjoying this blessing.

Africa:
God confirmed that he wanted me to go back to Africa this summer in many ways. (See previous blog-The Journey Begins...Again!) Soon after I made my deposit to go with CCO again this summer, I found out that my team was put on hold.To be honest, at this time I was very discouraged and didn't see how God could work this together for my good, because He told me to go and now I wasn't sure if I'd be going at all. About one month later, I found out that my team is now going to Ghana, Africa instead of Mozambique, Africa. We are partnering with an Orphanage there and teaching Vacation Bible School. We are still giving away Talking Bibles to those who still need to hear, but our primary focus on this trip will be children!!! And, if you are reading this, most likely you know my love for children. God turned this trip around for my good. Now, I get to go back to Africa and use the gifts He's given me and work with children! I look back on that month of waiting and praying and wish I spent more time trusting God to work all things together for my good and believe in this truth.

Teacher Performance Assessment (TPA):
The TPA's are a very long assessment online that Teacher Candidates must take in order to show their knowledge of particular things. The biggest focus is differentiating curriculum to meet the needs of all students. They are literally 20 pages long, no joke. They are a pain in the you know what because they are time consuming and won't ultimately determine how someone is going to teach. Taking tests in general is not my strongpoint, and both times I've taken the TPA's so far, God has blessed me with a ton of help. I met with friends who helped walk me through each section. It is time for TPA 3 and 4, and the Lord again worked this together for my good. He provided me with someone who has helped me tremendously with these TPA's. The hardest part for me is getting started. I also need to work on them a little bit each day because otherwise it is overwhelming. This person who is helping me also encouraged me to get done a little bit each day.

I encourage you to listen to this song. I heard it when we were driving in Africa when someone was playing their ipod int he car. We drove often and this song stuck out to me. There is one part that talks about God working all things together for our good. :) Puruse Him and reflect on the truth in this verse.

God's beauty to and from Student Teaching.

Here are some glimpses of God's beauty on my way to work or on the way home. He's so beautiful. It amazes me, and I couldn't help but take pictures.

Sunset last Friday evening in Solana Beach.

Belated Friday Flashback

I intended to blog much more often than I've been able to. Since I have less time, I've decided that the Friday Flashback can be a short, brief (if that's possible for me) ;) flashback of the highs and lows of my week. I'll mention any teaching moments I had or anything that really stood out to me, instead of writing about each and every day.

Highs:
-Monday and Friday were great days. I was filled with His prescence and anxiety-free, focused only on the day.
-Monday God confirmed to me through friends that it is okay to move ahead into new things if God is calling me somewhere new, that they understand and support me.
-God spoke to me multiple times through my devotional this week. Almost everything was dead on to what I've been experiencing.
-I found out this week that I'm going back to Africa again, this time to a new country (Ghana) with CCO but connecting with an Orphanage and doing VBS with children. (My team was put on hold and leaders were praying for direction)
-I won a speed monopoly tournament and got $100 to BJ's Restaurant
-I got to do what I love on Friday-> sit at a coffee shop, enjoy a beverage, read, and journal.
-I got to have dinner with my amazing mentor, Andria, on Thursday night.
-Kid Sing for K-2 at school. There's something about kids and singing that melts my heart. I just wonder why God didn't give me a good voice. :) haha.

Lows:
-Tuesday-Thursday were difficult days at "work" student teaching because I was tired and not filled with His prescence.
-Anxiety/Stress is still very present in my life.
-I syllibicated a word incorrectly in front of the students one day and they called me out. I was pretty embarrassed but just said "Miss Elder really needs to brush up on her syllibication skills" and learned how to ensure I was correct with the rest of the vocabulary words.
-I'm still itchy and whenever I itch somewhere, they turn into bruises. (I've had it before, I think it's stress related) I may try to go to the doctor soon since it hasn't gone away.

This week, here are my goals:
-Try to get to bed earlier again.
-Get a few Africa support letters done each day.
-Pray more.
-Exercise.
-Give my anxieties to God, the first time.
-Ask Him how to use my time each day after work and be obedient to what He tells me.

Remember to Pursue Him this week, every chance you get, with all that you have.

"Look to the Lord and his strength, seek his face always." Psalm 105:4

Friday Flashback and Student Teaching

I've been thinking about how I started this blog for a few different purposes. 1. I want to bring glory to God 2. I want to share what God is doing in my life 3. I want to encourage you to Pursue Him in your life That being said, I have decided to blog on Friday nights giving a Friday Flashback about what happened during the past week in my life. For most of you, we were friends on Facebook, and you'd see the status updates I'd have throughout the week. Without Facebook, I believe it is fair to share what God is doing in my life through a little recap every week.

That being said, here goes my first Friday Flashback. I started Student Teaching this week and it was very challenging and exhausting. Never having worked a full time (40 hour week) job before, I now have a new appreciation for those of you who do. Now I can say TGIF and truly mean it. Despite adjusting to a new, full-time schedule, I love student teaching and I look forward to having my own classroom one day.


I began Monday with a morning devotional titled Why God Made Teachers. It followed with this: "God understood our thirst for knowledge and our need to be led by someone wiser; He needed a heart of compassion, of encouragement and patience... someone who could see potential and believe in the best of others, so He made teachers. God also reminded me of 1 Timothy 4:11-16 and Philippians 1:6. He blessed me with a friend who prayed for me to be a shining light at school. The first 8 weeks of Student Teaching, I will be at Solana Vista Elementary School in Solana Beach Unified School District. I was placed in a 2nd grade classroom. I arrived at school a little before my Cooperating Teacher, and the kind Librarian gave me a tour and introduced me to anyone who was already on campus. My Cooperating Teacher and I talked before the bell rang for school to start and she said that this week I will plan on observing her to learn how she teaches so that I can teach in a similar way and the kids receive consistency. I was so amazed at how incredibly blessed I was to have such a phenomenal Cooperating Teacher. Her teaching style and classroom management parallels with exactly how I aspire to teach. She is very positive and enthusiastic. She is sweet and a hard worker. On Monday night, I chose to attend a New Comer's Night at North Coast Calvary Chapel Carlsbad, since I've been going to that church for about a month now. I met two women and learned more about their core beliefs and values. I felt more at peace with staying at this church. I believe my core values and beliefs really match with theirs, and they have many missions opportunities. (One million dollars each year is given out towards Missions and Missionaries who are part of the church)

On Tuesday, my Cooperating Teacher brought me coffee from Starbucks. It was such a treat! She gets it everyday and asked the day before what things I like from there. My Cooperating Teacher let me pull students aside today to assist them with their work. She also lost her voice, so I helped her with reading some student work aloud to the class. I found out today that the teacher in the room next to mine, goes to NCCC Carlsbad also. This was exciting news because a couple friends prayed for connection and other Christian people around me during my student teaching time. I learned about my Cooperating Teacher's family today too.

On Wednesday, the students have what is called a Wheel Day. This means from 11:20-2:40, the students rotate to teachers such as art and science. During this time, the teachers in grade 2 prep and meet to talk about whatever is necessary. My Cooperating Teacher showed me how she maps out each week and I was able to write down the daily schedules in my planner. We also mapped out what groups I would begin teaching next week, and what I would be teaching them. At the last minute, I offered to babysit for my Cooperating Teacher this evening because she has been sick and couldn't make her doctor appointment without a sitter. I went over there after school, watched her two adorable kids (2 years and 5 months) and then she treated me to dinner. It was a little weird to be babysitting and going out to dinner with my Cooperating Teacher on the third day of student teaching, but I'm such a personable person that I loved it. I got home around 6:45pm and chose to meet my friend for coffee at 7pm. I planned to head home at 9pm and left at 9:20pm, which meant another late night.

On Thursday, my Cooperating Teacher bought me Starbucks again. I didn't journal this day, so I can't really remember details from the day. It was another exciting and fun day of observing and assisting those who needed extra help as the teacher directed me. She taught me how to use a grade book that is on the computer and I input some grades. This evening, I chose to go to the Young Adult group at NCCC Carlsbad to check it out. They were wrapping up a series, and ending with worship and Sitting at His feet. I really enjoyed it. There were not too many people there, but those who were there were very real. God spoke to me SO clearly that night about how I need to put Him first. This week I tried to pursue Him but I was unsuccessful because I did not pursue Him first in everything. Someone mentioned a hindrance that keeps us from pursuing Him is that it takes effort and time. I totally related this, and I can honestly say I've been lazy this week. The worship song that says "I want to take your Word and shine it all around, but first help me to live it Lord" touched my heart in that I realized I cannot shine His word and be a light if I am not living it.

On Friday, I attended "Friday Forum" with my teacher. This is where the teachers can ask the Principal any questions they have and the floor is open for discussion. I finished my last day of observing my Cooperating Teacher and was given the opportunity to work with some students who are at a lower level. I reviewed money (the value and names of coins) with two girls, and helped about 7 people complete their Language Arts packet. Today, I took home the two Teacher's Manuals so that I can prepare for the lessons that I am teaching next week. I get to teach the highest level for Language Arts next week in small groups. I also have the privilege of teaching the Vocabulary Books and a Math lesson on comparing money amounts. I'm very excited! So, one week down, 7 more to go at Solana Vista!  I have a lot to do this weekend, but the Lord is so good because He cancelled the babysitting job that I had for tomorrow, which brings me peace knowing I need to prepare for Monday and catch up on my daily readings in the Bible.

As I conlcude this Friday Flashback, I realize there are many changes that need to be made next week. I need to do less in the evenings. I need to go to bed earlier. I need to pursue Him however He reveals that to me in the short time that I have during the week. I need to set my priorities and stick to them. I need to sit at His feet in humility the moment I wake up in the morning. If it weren't for my perseverance in pursuing Him in the past with my teaching credential tests, I would not be student teaching right now. I encourage you to pursue Him and persevere in areas that you are struggling in because He can help you reach your dreams as He did for me. He is faithful and has your BEST in mind. The first step though, is pursuing Him which will take effort and time.

When God takes you on a detour...

...How do you respond?

God recently took me on a detour and I learned a lot about myself while on this detour that I did not like. To be completely honest with you, my first response to this detour was not pursuing Him. I am thankful that God is gracious. Now, when He takes me on any future detours, I can respond immediately by pursuing Him since I learned from this situation that I didn't get back to the main road until I began pursuing Him wholeheartedly.

For the past few months, I've been pursuing Him by praying about where God wants me to be in regards to church. I've been faithfully attending and serving at one church (TheMovement) for about three years now. I began pursuing Him when I noticed my heart hardening towards this church. I asked God if I should find a new church, and He instructed me to stay, take a break from serving, and rest. I obeyed Him and let go of the things that caused my heart to be hardened for a little while. Shortly after this, I began to see God growing my heart for National Missions and I would become discouraged when I thought about receiving the support I will need from the Movement based on the fact that their Mission Field is here, San Marcos. I began pursuing Him again, even harder this time because my desire to follow His will grew larger and I wanted to be where He wanted me to be, not where I wanted to be. On Sunday, I asked God to give me an answer about where He wants me to be, whether it is staying at theMovement or begin church hunting. It was then that God sent me on a detour.

I expected God to tell me to stay or go very clearly on Sunday January 9th. I attended theMovement in the morning and North Coast Calvary Chapel Carlsbad in the evening. I tried to surrender my will and be open to God's will, but realized later in the day as I spoke with a friend that I had not completely surrendered my will. I had taken everything and justified any signs/confirmations to lead me to go. I found myself at peace with going, but still asking God if it was my will or His. It was then that my good friend said that every time I talk about going to a new church, she believes God is telling her to tell me to stay at theMovement. She did not want to tell me this, because she knew I got frustrated and defensive whenever we talked about that. She had to tell me though, because she knew this time it was not from her, but God. It was then that I realized I did get defensive and put a wall up anytime we discussed possible reasons God would have me stay. Hearing that from her was hard, but caused me to pursue Him harder and with all that I had. I had to take this to the Lord since she was so persistent about it and it came from Him. I bet He used her to speak that to me because He knew I didn't want to hear it and wouldn't hear it from Him.

That afternoon, I went home and fought with God. He was taking me on a detour that I did not want to follow. Don't you wish he'd sometimes tell us detour ahead? If only I knew it was coming, there is a slight chance that I may not have been as frustrated as I was taking this detour. I felt like a kid throwing a tantrum, kicking and screaming. I had a vision of myself punching a pillow and being mad at God. I wondered, Why do kids throw tantrums? Simply because they do not get what they want. God was humbling me slowly as the day went on showing me that maybe His will is not what I want. This scripture came to mind:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways. declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. " Isaiah 55:8-9

(Study Notes)
-The people of Israel were foolish to act as if they knew what God was thinking & planning. His knowledge and wisdom are far greater than man's. We are foolish to try and fit God into our mold- to make his plans and purposes conform to ours. Instead, we must strive to fit into his plans.

I had heard this scripture and knew it, but this past weekend is when it had new meaning for me as I wholeheartedly pursued Him. I thought to myself Knowing God's ways are not my ways means that I have to surrender my ways and follow His, even if it is not what I want or think is best for me. Yikes! This is where I learned something I didn't like about my character. I was unwilling to fully surrender my will in order to follow His will. I felt so hypocritical as I recently told God I'm all yours. I just want to be used by you. I have the ability in this season of my life to simply pick up and follow your lead. Yet, when He asked me to follow His ways and not mine, I was fighting Him.

I was able to recognize my defensiveness and as the Lord humbled me I finally pursued Him again, but this time it was just me and Him. I turned off my phone, shut my door, and asked God to speak to me about what His will really is in this situation. (I noticed that my decision was being swayed based on the circumstances throughout the day, so I needed to hear directly from Him) I had my computer on Pandora and the first song that played was called "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real. The lyrics are as follows:

It’s time for healing time to move on

It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long

It’s time to find my way to where I belong

There’s a wave that’s crashing over me

All I can do is surrender

Whatever you’re doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but somehow there’s peace

It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see

But I’m giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Revaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me

I give everything I surrender…

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I’ve wanted to say for so many years

Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever you’re doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It was dead on to how I felt inside, and I believe God used this worship song to speak to me because I was pursuing Him. He revealed to me that my heart was still hardened towards the Movement, and I cannot move forward without dealing with that. He showed me that my heart needed healing. I went to NCCCC in the evening, and the first song they played during worship was called Healer and the first line was I believe that You're my Healer. So, I decided to meet with the Pastor's wife and discuss the things that were on my heart so that I could receive the healing my heart needed, and receive her blessing for me to move forward and begin church hunting since they are unable to provide the resources for me to move forward in National Missions.

While on this detour, God also gave me more wisdom about receiving support from churches in regards to National Missions and this knowledge helped me understand more a different perspective about what I am able to expect in regards to that. He humbled me and showed me that it is not the pastor or leadership of the church that I have a problem with, it is between my relationship with God that needed to sort things out and also get to the root of the issue. God showed me that my discouragement comes from a growing heart and passion for National Missions and the Movement's lack of resources to help me move ahead in that area. Their focus and big ministry is their community and youth, which is so awesome! I saw the Lord slowly pull me out of things and disconnect me from the Movement, and I believe He was doing this to help with this transition time. I recognized that one thing burdening me from moving forward is also a fear (not from God) of what others will think or that they won't understand where I'm coming from in this decision. For some reason, I felt like leaving a church and finding a new one means something negative had to have happened. That is definitely NOT the case here...God is just leading me into a new season of my life and it is ok to find a place that is able to support a big passion that I have and offer opportunities to go on more Missions Trips. That being said, this detour came to an end on Thursday when I met with the Pastor's wife and spoke to her about all that was on my heart, heard truth, and received a blessing from her to move forward and get back on the main road.

One thing I realized through all of this though, is that God is probably full of detours. Pursuing Him requires faithful obedience and willingness to follow His ways, not our ways. How will you respond when God takes you on a detour? Learn what not to do in the experience I have described above. It is not worth fighting God. Begin by pursuing Him the moment you see that detour sign. I'm thankful God will give me more opportunities to handle a detour differently next time. I look back and wonder why I fought with God because based on that scripture and truths from the Bible, I know that God's ways are better than my ways. Knowing something and putting it into action or believing it are two completely different things. My prayer is that you and I both and continue to pursue Him every day, especially when He takes us on a detour.

*P.s. Here is something I wrote in my journal on Saturday night before all of that chaoticness came inside of me on Sunday. I need confirmatioons from God tomorrow that he's leading me somewhere new and conflicts if not so it's clear. I asked God for conflict to make it clear to me, and somehow I forgot about this as I was experiencing tremendous conflict on Sunday. He does hear us and He is faithful to answer. Lol.