I'm 28 and single, surrounded by a community that encourages dating and seems to be the perfect place to find your match! I've been in this community for just over two years now, and no takers. I know that's not a depiction of who I am, but I've also noticed there's an unspoken pressure that comes in dating in the Church in general. We feel like it has to look a certain way, and the guy has to be the one who asks the girl out. So, the girls wait around and live hopeful, only to feel disappointed when nobody asks you out. Insecurity tries to creep in and make you feel like there must be something wrong with you. Guys are afraid to ask a girl out because they think she's going to think he wants to marry her, so they hold back. As a result, some people are dating and others are not. Well, I recently realized a few things. 1. I'm a catalyst for breakthrough, which means I pave the way for others to step into something. 2. God told me let the guy pursue you, but asking a guy out to get to know him is not pursuing him or not letting him pursue you. It's simply saying you want to get to know him like you would a friend. 3. If I'm 28, want to be married, and am just waiting around for a guy to pursue me, it's not really helping me move towards that dream. If I see a guy that catches my eye for some reason or another, and I want to get to know him, I'm just going to go for it!
After doing this once over the summer with a guy who was in town for 5 days, spending time with him and enjoying it, only to say goodbye as he went back home, my heart was hurting. I felt like God gave me a gift and took it away five days later. I found out about a month later that he did not have any romantic intentions and just wanted to be friends. Keep in mind, I was the one who asked him if he wanted to hang out while he was in town, and kept that connection going. He said yes and wanted to, but his intentions were different than mine. In processing it all, I discovered it was so painful because I finally had what felt like something I've been wanting for so long in my life, in my "realm", by my side. Even though we weren't dating, I was hanging out with him and sitting with him at a conference. I felt like I pursued him, and was trying to help God out with finding me a man. Since then, I stepped back and told myself, I will not do that again because of the way it made my heart feel and I do not want to go against God's word in my life. Until...
Next thing I know, I see another guy that catches my attention and my only interaction with him is in passing on a weekly basis. I start thinking about him and wonder if he's single, and what I should do. I find out he is, and decide that I'm going go just go for it. I'm going to ask him out. After reflecting on those few things above, I realized that if I communicate my intentions of simply wanting to get to know him, and not have the pressure of it being a date, then it's harmless. It's definitely a risk you have to take, because he could say no and you might feel rejected, but to me, the risk was worth it this time. I realized that I was able to move forward faster after the last situation happened, and I learned and grew so much from it. Not only that, but I gained another guy friend. The guy I met in the summer and I still stay in touch, and we'll hang out again when he's back in Redding. And so, I just went for it, I took the risk...
I was going to ask this guy in person, but didn't see him and didn't want it to be last minute because it was the following day that I wanted to hang out, so I sent him a message on Facebook. I wrote him a long message explaining where I was coming from, and let it be. I was a bit insecure initially, thinking I could have just been short and to the point, but then I realized I was simply me, and that's the most important part. He responded and said he'd like to hang out. So, we got a bite to eat last night, and it was great! A friend of mine who is a newlywed said to me that if she could go back and date her husband again, she'd not worry so much about the "Is he the one? I like this, but I'm not sure about that.." stuff that we often focus on in dating, and simply get to know him. I took her advice and decided that is what I wanted to do with this person. And, out of it I got the opportunity to get to know this guy that my heart and eyes were drawn to for some reason. And, it was fun! Now, I can let it be, and stand on the truth that it will be natural and mutual for anything to happen in developing a friendship and getting to know someone. If it's the right person, it will just happen. For the first time in this area of my life, I actually have supernatural peace in it and trust the Lord with it. There's no insecurity, only joy. Joy in taking a risk and experiencing the reward of God honoring that risk. The joy in getting to know someone for the first time. The joy in making a new friend. The joy in the uncertainty of what's next. The joy in being fully myself. The joy in the mystery. All that being said, this is my charge to all you single ladies, take the risk and just go for it! You've got nothing to lose! Don't let fear and insecurity control you. Just go for it!
